I found myself reflecting on this having a few days ago been looking at some old photos of myself on holiday in Ireland in 1987. I couldn't help noticing how much thinner I was then, and how much brighter my hair looked without any white in it. Have I let myself go? Well, I suppose so. I have never really made much of an effort with my appearance. I have never worn makeup, and gave up wearing perfume after I got married because my husband hates the smell of almost all perfumes. I've never “worked out” in my life. I've never gone in much for dressing up either: I mostly live in jeans and jumpers (i.e., sweaters) or t-shirts, depending on the weather.
Would my husband like me better if I were thinner and wore makeup and stuff? I don't know, but I don't think so. Any vague mention on my part of going on a diet usually causes him to go out and buy me something fattening. And he's never mentioned wanting me to wear makeup. He probably would prefer it if I wore sexier clothes, but so long as the underwear is okay he doesn't really mind what I've got on top, so long as he can get his hand inside it. And he's a lot fatter than he was twenty years ago too, and he has less hair, but I don't like him less, in fact I like him a lot more than I did then; I wouldn't swap him for the old thinner, hairier model at all.
Seeing my hair in those pictures freaked me out though. “Look at me!” I wailed at my husband. “My hair used to be red, and look at it now, it's practically white, I have old lady hair, I don't want old lady hair!” So I went out and bought some hair dye and now it is a rather more vivid shade of red than it ever was before. “Do you like it?” I asked him nervously. “Yes” he said, and I think he was speaking the truth, but next time I might try and find something closer to my natural shade. This is pure vanity though, it's not something he ever mentioned, and I don't think he really cares what colour my hair is.
Whether we have let ourselves go, or whether time is simply letting us go, we are definitely happier now with each other than we were in our youth, so maybe letting go isn't such a bad thing.