Jeopardized daily

For 20 plus years my husband suffered the consequences of my emotional barriers. There seemed no way around them, though he soldiered on in the current tradition of “kinder and gentler.” As my disdain and haughtiness increased, he would withdraw with a book, infuriating me. Until we discovered a Taken In Hand relationship, we were primarily emotionally disconnected. We use this interactive style to maintain our relationship, not so much to correct my “flaws.” My husband is intentionally maintaining our connection. This is the way it informally developed:

We use “watching Jeopardy” as the plausible exit strategy to separate from the rest of the family. We escape to the sanctuary of our locked bedroom and do actually watch Jeopardy. That is, most of the time he is watching Jeopardy. I can’t see it so well from my position, which is frequently over his lap or the “original over one knee” position.

During the Jeopardy program he approaches me, in an intimate, sexual way. All the while he is looking for signs of resistance or control attempts on my part. In the past, I would give him negative feedback. “I’m not in the mood,” “your approach is all wrong,” etc. Now, if he senses any resistance or negativity, I will get spanked right then. If there is no obvious resistance, he usually will spank me in a playful way at frequent intervals, about every 30 minutes, still checking how my spirit responds. He may spank more firmly in a deliberate attempt to “provoke the dragon.” If I take it well, he knows my spirit is connected with him. If I complain or in any way get critical of him, it will become a real spanking, with the hopeful goal of tears. I think it is safe to say that I am intentionally spanked and observed pretty much daily, or 6 days out of 7, and what he senses leads to varying degrees of intensity. This testing and observing of me seems to prevent an accumulation of internal small criticisms, which lead to emotional separation.

I've joked that “Jeopardy” has come to have a literal meaning. There is something about knowing that day he will be looking me in the eyes and observing my spirit that keeps me from getting too far off of the path. I feel slightly nervous when he comes home, because that is the first opportunity to be found out, if I have harbored negative thoughts. As the time approaches to watch Jeopardy, the nervousness increases: Did he catch the subtle dig? Was my tone abrupt when we went on our walk? Does he feel that today I would benefit from a serious spanking?

If something negative has transpired, “Jeopardy” is the likely time he will deal with it. Though it evolved casually, it is a near daily accountability session.

We have also expanded it to include accountability for health related issues, like diet and exercise, and time management goals. Jeopardy is the time I report my successes and failures and receive the consequences of each.


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So you are spanked EVERY day—(or at least 6 out of 7)???? That seems excessive to me. If it is part of intimate play, that's one thing, but to say that you have done something wrong every day which warrants a spanking would really wear me down & make me feel like I can never please him... just a thought (and perhaps I misread your post)

Spanking every day

I think it depends on the individual. I get spanked at least once a day when my husband is at home, these days often more than that. Since he doesn't use the paddle at night any more because it makes too much noise, he often takes the opportunity to give me a good whacking during the day, when I take him up cups of tea to the office which is next to our bedroom.

Sometimes when I go up there he's on the phone, and I will nip in, put the tea down and nip out again quickly before he's rung off. But if he's not on the phone he will, as often as not, tell me to go and get the paddle and give me a good whacking before i go downstairs again.

These spankings are generally on the lines of "This is to make sure you keep behaving yourself" or "just to remind you who's master" or something like that. and they work very well to concentrate my mind, I go back to the housework with a renewed zeal (I have a tendency to slack off without frequent reminders).

It doesn't make me feel that I can't please him, so much as to remind me that I am doing what I do in order to please him. It has a positive effect on me.

I'm sure that for some people it would be depressing if they associate spanking with a failure to please, but I tend to assoicate it more with being reminded that it is my job to please, and that I'd better get on with it.


trying to understand

Louise, thank you for your essay. I never looked at spanking as a way to remind myself that I am trying to please my man. I don't really "get" spanking, and my man does it so rarely as to be nearly nonexistent, but I am interested in incorporating it into our relationship. Your articulation of the ideas "behind" (pun intended) spanking are interesting indeed.


Does he reward you for your successes as well? If so, how? I guess to me this just simply smacks (:)) of lack of self confidence on your part. I don't need a daily reminder that my job is to please my man. I am confident in my ability to do so without a daily reminder. Now as much as I love my man, I don't need the reminder to txt him when I am in for the evening so that he knows I am safely at home. Doesn't stop him from doing it though. It's just one of the many ways that he shows he is concerned about my well being.

Knowing that you DAILY screwed up would tell me that my man has different ideas as to what's expected than I do and that I need to see better what he wants.


Re: Daily?

Well, speaking for myself, I do need daily reminders of what I am supposed to be doing, otherwise I tend to lose interest. I am extremely idle, and apt to let things go if not reminded of what I am supposed to be doing. If I thought my husband wasn't interested in keeping on top of things, then I would quickly lose interest myself.

For me, the reward is in the way he deals with me, and the interest he takes in me. Knowing that he will point out the error of my ways to me if necessary keeps me alert and keen (well keenish anyway).

I have got used to being spanked daily, and frankly would miss it if I didn't get it. Being reminded of what i am supposed to be doing is necessary to keep me interested in doing it. if he stopped spanking me, then I would still make more of an effort with the housework etc, but it would definitely be a lot less fun. It adds a zest to our relationship that I find highly pleasurable.


Definition of punishment

To me if something happened daily, it is no longer a "punishment" To me a punishment is something definately uncomfortable that I would avoid if at all possible. Maybe the misunderstanding here is in your term, not in your intent. You have a daily "connection session" with your husband that happens to take the form of spanking. I wouldn't find a daily spanking to be very motivating. Now if he took that hour, shut the TV off, and just one on one talked or "played" or anything really, THAT is what I would find to be the greatest reminder that I am here to help make him happy. Different strokes ;) for different folks I guess. What you see as "punishment" I see as "reconnection". You go girl, you are getting your needs met and making your relationship a happy one. Good for you!


Daily punishment

Well, for me punishment happens pretty well daily, though if it is one of those rare occasions when I have not actually done anything to irritate my husband (a fairly infrequent occurence irritating him isn't that difficult), then it is a "this is to remind you who's master" spanking.

For me, the thing that makes it punishment is my hsuband's intention, not mine. If he feels it is punishment, then it is. And the more irritated he is with me the more he islikely to feel like punishing me. Ipersonally would really hate the idea that it is just about getting my needs met. What makes it feel good for me is knowing that he actually likes doing this as well, and that it is meeting his needs. Being able to "take it out on your bottom" as he puts it, gives him great satisfaction.

I think it can be daily and still be punishment, at any rate it can be if you have a husband who is as easily exasperated as mine is. And a wife with a natural tendency towards indolence and insolence, like me.


Time really changes things, o

Time really changes things, or perhaps it's just the circumstance of my life today...

I wrote in June of 2008 that I would be saddened if S spanked me daily because it would remind me that I am not pleasing him. Well within the past few months, S has had a need to spank me much more frequently. Sometimes because I have just gotten on his nerves, sometimes just because he needs the releif it provides for him. Sometimes, I believe, it is because he wants to validate his control of me.

This morning, after opening gifts, we went upstaires and spanked me for his Christmas present. It was a hard spanking, and he reminded me that he was, is and always be my husband, and that he was "in charge". When he was done, he took me to bed and it was a great way to start our holiday together!

Again—amazing what a change 6 months can make in a person's outlook!