Why do I crave a Taken in Hand relationship? In my relationship my husband's authority is very important. It is this authority that I find attractive in him. For me it is very important that his authority be real. My husband can exercise this authority by exercising final say on what ever he feels he needs to. In a sense he gets the last word. (Unfortunately for him he does not always get the last laugh!)
Does the fact that I consent to this authority make it any less real? I do not think so. I consent to my husband having the final say on the basis of trust. But if he were to blow it and break that trust, then consent could be revoked. That does not mean the authority does not truly exist.
Take the military for instance. In Canada we have a voluntary peacetime military right now. If you choose to join, choose to sign up, choose to swear to obey, then you become part of the military. You are responsible to the military for your actions. If you break military law, and disobey orders you can expect to be held accountable for this. But you can quit—you can revoke consent to the military as an authority. This analogy cannot be carried too far, because there can be times when the choice to get out of the service is not yours to make. I know that the sexual relationship I have with my husband is not anything like the military, but I think that the consent to authority is very similar. (But not nearly as sexy, although I used to have thing for guys in uniforms. ;-) ) While consent is in place the authority is very real.
We connect well as a couple because of the real trust and authority my husband has in our relationship. It is not a game for us, although we do play with it sometimes. Even in fun the authority is real. I think that is way makes the fun we have with our Taken in Hand relationship work. If it were just a game for us that we only played in the bedroom, it would lose its power to move us.