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Is taking his wife in hand self-sacrificing for the man?
It is sometimes argued that Taken In Hand requires arduous self-sacrifice on the part of the husband. Some imagine long-suffering men sacrificing their wishes and bearing a heavy burden of responsibility. The way some women talk about what they want from their husbands, I can understand this idea. But the bottom line is that if it feels like a burden to the man—if he feels the need to grit his teeth and sacrifice nobly to take his wife in hand—then unless he has a touch of the masochist about him and on some level enjoys this suffering of his, I do not think such a man should be taking his wife in hand.
This is not to say that the man must be one of those alpha-male-from-birth types: plenty of men grow into a Taken In Hand relationship once they become aware that their wife wants that. But if the man is having to be a martyr, Taken In Hand is not for him.
In a Taken In Hand relationship, neither husband nor wife experiences the Taken In Hand aspect of their relationship as a burden or as requiring unpleasant self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice that feels bad jeopardises and destroys relationships.
The joy of the master-queen dynamic
What the man gets out of it
A happy end to marital deadlock
Why men start and why they stop
Taken In Hand—the view of a psychiatrist
The resistant woman
Blush and Gary, by Gary
Can you be in charge without turning into her mother?
On being the servant-leader in my relationship