Is Taken In Hand control real?

It is sometimes erroneously suggested that Taken In Hand relationships do not involve real control, merely men pretending that they are in control, or that Taken In Hand control is merely a matter of playing games or amateur dramatics.

Male authority in a Taken In Hand relationship exerts erotic control over sexual activities and many or most of life's other decisions. Does that make what we do a game? No!

There can be nothing more real than a Taken In Hand relationship. Indeed it is more real than virtually any form of a BDSM relationship because it is entirely sustainable. No one “gets into character” to play anything, and then reverts to something else. So there are no “amateur dramatics.”

Instead, our control infuses life with eroticism. And we strive to make both parties happy, indeed we eroticize and then resolve conflict with lovemaking. So our lives revolve around our relationship and its intensity.

We are fully present to each other.

She Is Mine

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BDSM can be real too!

I very much agree with this posting, I however must make one comment: the label BDSM is here presented as merely a roleplay where people get into character (for a certain amount of time?), and for some people that is what it is, but for a lot of people (including myself) it is something that is very much present in everyday life, and not some game left in the bedroom. It is merely the description for the way we live, me and my husband for example. I think that the label BDSM is often misinterpreted, or rather: there are different opinions HOW TO interpret that label, just like the label Taken In Hand...


I've never had problems with the BDSM label and always found within it Taken In Hand dynamics/relationships and just avoid the bit I'm not into. As for what is real, yes, of course the way men and women relate if they are inclined towards Taken In Hand relationships is real as much as it is if a man wants his wife to dominate him or a couple want a situation where neither is in control. They work out the reality of how they are.

What isn't real, however is if someone to please a partner pretends to do this, doesn't have a dominant bone in his body and then says—do this and then for me it's all fake and hopeless. Then natural dominance needs to be there or else it truly is a game and never satisfies me.