I'm looking for someone to take care of me, I want my husband to "wear the trousers", be in charge. But I want that he's sincerely ready to work with me to find solutions that will suit everybody (I know sometimes it can't but I think it's worthy trying) I want to be completely involved in the decision-making process. I also want that each partner gets to decide in areas he/she's better at, so the husband would let the wife manage the areas she's better at and so would do the wife. The wife would admit that in general, the power of decision goes to the husband: she accepts he's in charge. But the husband would admit that for some issues, his wife is as able as him or better able than him to get things in order, and then he would let the wife take care or, would ask her to take care.
If I'm crossing limits, I'm expecting my husband not to let it go or run away, but to face it by means such as giving me a grave stern look and demanding that I "stop this behaviour this instant". Then when we're both in better mood, would come the time to discuss the issue. Same thing if he's the one crossing limits.
As for the stress or frustration, even angst, coming out of those moments where one has crossed a limit, I'd like that once we've discussed the issue, we find a way we both would enjoy/agree to let it go definitely. Like both playing against each other at Playstation, or going out and throwing snow at each other. So we don't deal with it alone in a corner, but together.
Would you say that this idea of a relationship is one possible kind of Taken In Hand relationship or would you say it is a conventional relationship? I don't think that it's an EQUAL relationship because there is someone who is entitled the power to lead. But it doesn't involve 'discipline'.