Warner on Emerson Eggerich's book.Men crave respect. Women are more likely to be concerned about whether they are loved. If you ask a businessman whether he wants to be liked by his associates and competitors, or respected by them, he will invariably tell you that he wants the respect. Many fights in marriages occur because a man feels disrespected by his wife. This is the theme of a book by Emerson Eggerichs called Love and Respect.
Good men in general, but Taken In Hand men in particular, feel very responsible for the happiness and welfare of their families. If a woman is sad or worried about something, what she usually wants is reassurance and love from her man. Unfortunately if a husband is not careful, he will fail to interpret his wife’s sadness, irritability, or withdrawal as a need for more love, which is actually her request; instead, he experiences these things as criticism of him. He may even respond with anger and hurt her feelings even more. How can this happen?
Remember, a man feels responsible for the welfare of his family. If she feels bad, then he feels responsible. So if she feels bad, he feels blamed. And if he feels blamed, he feels disrespected. And when he feels disrespected, he responds with anger.
And naturally, when he becomes angry, she feels more unloved. And the downward cycle continues.
So what is a Taken In Hand man to do?
He needs to interrupt the cycle. As hard as it is, a woman who is sad, worried, upset or even angry is most likely feeling unloved. She wants attention. This attention can be a spanking, a love-making session, praise, or even a hug etc.
It may take a minute or two for the man to compose himself. This is critical. Just a few minutes by himself is important, even if she wants immediate interaction and results. A man in a Taken In Hand marriage is thoughtful and reflective. He does not act in haste. He must do what is best.
What feels like criticism (or is criticism from his wife) may make him angry, but he must retain control of himself. He needs first to compose himself. But when he does, he must take his wife in hand. His attention makes her feel loved. Hug her. Wallop her. Take her.
But whatever you do, demand obedience from her.
Her immediate response to his commands, demonstrates respect for him. And her respect reinforces his attentions. His attentions make her feel loved. When feeling loved, she feels better. And criticizes less, making him feel respected, etc.
Remember: you need to show your wife love by giving her attention. She will then show you respect by obeying you. Take her in hand. She will feel loved. She will obey. And you will get the respect you crave.