Something about having a taken-in-hand wife makes me feel like working to support her and the family. It’s hard to put it into words. You so badly want to take care of a wonderful woman because she trusts you to do so. She does as you say and you in turn just can’t bear to disappoint her. It’s a matter of pride as much as anything else. You want her to be right in having faith in you.
That is why having a man in charge does not have to imply the disempowerment of women. We, as men in charge, want our women to do well in the same way that when we are the coach of the football team or the leader of our business team, we want our team to do well. Their success is part of our success. Marriage is a team endeavor.
Male dominance is only dangerous when men feel the need to dominate because they are angry at women and don’t trust them. Unfortunately, some men, such as men's rights activists, and some dominant men in the BDSM community, actually feel victimized by women and so want to be in charge in order to prevent women from hurting them. And indeed it may be true that some men have been victimized by some women (and vice-versa).
But approaching a new relationship holding on to fear associated with an old one and with the need to right perceived or actual abuse in the past inevitably leads to asking the new partner to sacrifice, serve and suffer for the sins of the previous woman or women, thus repeating the abuse but now with the man, the former abuse victim, as the victimizer, and the new woman as the victim. This sets up precisely the conditions in which a new victim is created, and the vicious circle is strengthened. That woman whom you are punishing for the abusiveness of a woman or women past, may go on to punish other men for your abuse of her.
Even if a woman (or man) has hurt you in the past, break free. Let it go. Separate yourself psychologically from that abuse. Leave it in the past. Don't blame others for the abuse you have suffered in the past. Don't punish others for abuse for which they have no moral responsibility. Treat people as individuals instead of making global negative judgements about entire classes of individuals. Don't become that which you despise: a bitter, cynical, hate-filled abuser. That is no way to live. It is painful.
A man should only want to take charge in any situation if he believes that his strengths enable him to utilize the creativity of the wife he is in charge of to make both her and himself better off.
This desire to take charge of your wife is rooted in respect for your partner’s capabilities, not the need to inhibit or hurt them. If you are a man who has abused your power, experiment with finding ways to use your power to make your wife better off. Start putting her and your relationship first—not in a groveling, supplicating, servile way of course, but in a way that makes it more obvious that you care about her. The smile on her face will be plenty worth the effort. And the trust in you that she will develop will give you more power still. No matter what mistakes you have made, you can make changes that make all the difference.
Dominance applied with kindness and love will powerfully engender respect and adoration in your wife. Being in charge can be a tremendously moral and exciting adventure for you both. The more you are able to be firmly in charge but kindly so, the more your wife will respond positively to your leadership, and the more you will enjoy your power over her. Both of you will naturally want to be the best you can be for one another and for yourselves. This striving to be the best for one another is very pleasurable. My beautiful taken-in-hand wife has enabled me to feel that pleasure. I recommend it.