I want... to be possessed

I am yours. You have the right of possession. You have the authority to stop me seeing anyone you don't want me to see, whether another man or single girlfriends who might encourage me to take a walk on the wild side. You have the right to tell me to ask you permission before going anywhere or seeing anyone. You have the right to meet or speak to people I see. You have the right to make whatever conditions you think fit.

When I was visiting a friend, and she and I were going out one afternoon, her husband handed her her cell phone and said, “Don't forget your leash.” He requires her to be contactable wherever she goes. You have the right to require that too. You have the right to tell me to let you know where I am going. You have the right to tell me to seek permission to go where I want to go. You have the right to say no.

If I ever forget my cell phone or otherwise fail to respect your authority, you have the right to require me to submit to a spanking that is so severe it makes me cry and scream and beg you to stop—a spanking I'd never want repeated.

I love you and I'd never really want to annoy you, but do I want your control to be real. So would you be prepared to give me a severe spanking now, to show me what I'll be in for if I get out of line? I hope this doesn't sound like a chore for you… it just really does it for me when I feel the reality of your authority. My spirits soar when my bottom's sore.

You have the right to check on me as much as you like. You have the right to ask me anything you like, and to expect honest answers. I do not mind you “interrogating” me—as my husband, you have the right to do so any time you wish.

I find it erotic to be possessed, caged, constrained, reined-in. I don't find it at all unpleasant. It makes me feel yours, safe, that you care, that we have a connection, and that you trust me. It makes me want to give you more pleasure than ever.

You have the right to tell me to dress modestly when I go out. If you wanted me to wear a chastity belt when I go out with the girls, I would. You have the right to tell me to wear a necklace or bracelet upon which you have had engraved our names, or even something like “This woman belongs to …” or “I belong to …”

You tell me these things to me in respectful tones—respectful but firm—respectful, never patronizing or angry. I obey. I am yours.

Scarlet

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Comments

2 Fine Lines

1.) Your article really makes me wonder where the line is between wanting to protect a loved one and not trusting that person. I know that was not your intent but it makes me wonder just the same.

Do you feel that you need someone to keep you from straying because you can't do it yourself? Or as I suspect is more likely the case, do you feel that it's safe to ask for these things because he knows you would never stray?

2.) Most of us involved in this type of lifestyle have had to deal with people saying that we are abused. I wonder exactly where is that line between DD and abuse? For some I expect that line is very very thin indeed. I am beginning to understand more and more why outsiders feel the need to think of DD as abuse.

For example, one of the things you consent to (as do many others) amounts to your man imposing social isolation on you. This does not appear to be abuse in your case BUT for someone other couple the very same act, even when DD has been consented to, would clearly be abuse.

Not criticizing just musing.

Peace,
Daisy

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.--Edith Wharton

I want that!

I want that so much but my husband isnt there. He has it in him to own me, to have me, but I cant seem to get him to use what I see is in him! Thank you for these words. I am going to show him, read this to him, and hope for the best.

Abuse?

I agree that some things we want could be quite abusive. But I don’t feel abused. I love that he owns me; that I ask him for permission to do many things; that he adorns me with various pieces of jewelry, each declaring that I belong to him. I find it all heavenly, delicious, and comforting. I have never been so happy before. If I were being abused, would I feel so warm and loved, so secure and cared for? Of course not. I love deferring to him, not because he demands it or expects it, but because he appreciates it. I find it incredibly erotic and fulfilling to defer to him, to be constrained by him, to trust him so completely. It has created a deep connection that I have never experienced before.

agreed...

I want that too. I find myself talking way too much sometimes and it is only to try to explain to my significant other what it is I desire from him...I am sharing Scarlet's posting with him as well. Thank you for such a well worded posting Scarlet.

Owning is expensive

I have a similar kind of relationship.

It's a lot of responsibility. Not all of it welcome.

I was very careful before I agreed to this, careful to ensure she asked *me* for this specifically, and I put conditions on it such that if she violated those conditions, I would end the relationship.

I won't say much more, there is an intimacy boundary here.

I will say that the relationship is working well.

Tell me how you handled your conditions.

I am really appreciating your awareness of the responsibility, David Clare. I think there are people who don't fully think this through. I am just beginning to broach this with my husband, and I think he will be surprised and not sure about it. I don't want to broach your privacy, but I am curious about whether you or she originally brought up the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship?

Trust, Choices, Love, Submission

Daisy, thanks for your comments. You wrote:

1.) Your article really makes me wonder where the line is between wanting to protect a loved one and not trusting that person. I know that was not your intent but it makes me wonder just the same.

Do you feel that you need someone to keep you from straying because you can't do it yourself? Or as I suspect is more likely the case, do you feel that it's safe to ask for these things because he knows you would never stray?

LOL! My husband knows I would never stray, and he is not the jealous type anyway. My husband trusts me totally, as I trust him. I just enjoy the idea of being possessed. If my husband was a control freak, I doubt we'd be together now. He's anything but that. To the extent that he does these things, he does them for me, because it turns me on, and when I'm hot for him, he's hot for me, and our marriage stays hot.

I will admit that since I've been encouraging him to be more possessive, he's started enjoying it, to the extent that it's now part of him, and I'm not sure it would be easy to put the genie back in the lamp, but I don't want to.

2.) Most of us involved in this type of lifestyle have had to deal with people saying that we are abused. I wonder exactly where is that line between DD and abuse? For some I expect that line is very very thin indeed. I am beginning to understand more and more why outsiders feel the need to think of DD as abuse.

For example, one of the things you consent to (as do many others) amounts to your man imposing social isolation on you. This does not appear to be abuse in your case BUT for someone other couple the very same act, even when DD has been consented to, would clearly be abuse.

Firstly, if anyone wants to judge me and my husband in this way, that's their problem and they should get a life. My husband is a wonderful man who would never abuse anyone, and I have never been abused by him or anyone else. Secondly, I don't consider what we have to be a DD relationship anyway. My opinions and preferences are mine and mine alone, they don't represent DD. Thirdly, my husband would never want to impose anything on me that I didn't want. I asked him to do this, it wasn't his idea. This is my preference.

Why? To me, it's hot. I enjoy exploring in the realm of dominance and submission. I enjoy feeling constrained. I enjoy the connection and the trust that this implies. For my husband to do this requires a lot of trust on his part, trust that I won't accuse him of being controlling or abusive, for instance, trust that I will submit, trust that if there's a problem, we can work through it.

It might surprise you to learn that when I've really wanted to go out without my husband, he's never yet said no. He could say no, but he's not a controlling man, he's a dominant man who values my happiness. Finally, my advice to any woman in any relationship is that if your guy makes you feel great, and your desire for each other is great, take no notice of the negative judgements of others.

Have a nice day.

DD and abuse

Since I asked my husband to be in charge, nothing gets me more steamed than the suggestion that my husband is abusive. Fortunately I've found friendly places like Taken In Hand where everyone understands how much us women love our relationships the way they are, and we don't have to defend ourselves all the time. I had some thoughts about this part of Daisy's comment:

Most of us involved in this type of lifestyle have had to deal with people saying that we are abused. I wonder exactly where is that line between DD and abuse? For some I expect that line is very very thin indeed. I am beginning to understand more and more why outsiders feel the need to think of DD as abuse.

For example, one of the things you consent to (as do many others) amounts to your man imposing social isolation on you. This does not appear to be abuse in your case BUT for someone other couple the very same act, even when DD has been consented to, would clearly be abuse.

It doesn't feel like a fine line to me. When we tell our husbands what we need, what we want, what turns us on like nothing else, and they give it to us, that's a good thing. If a man did the very same things to a woman who hated it, that would be a bad thing. It may seem like a "fine line" because the actions look very much alike, but her wanting it or not makes the two things polar opposites.

I think the word "consensual" doesn't quite describe what's happening when a wife begs her husband to dominate and discipline her. She's not saying, "Well, okay, if you really want to," she's saying, "Please, please, I need this so much." In other words, "consensual" describes the whole spectrum from very reluctant consent to very enthusiastic consent. We know that we're at the enthusiastic end. Others out there may fear that we're at the very reluctant end, which is pretty close to no consent at all. And if we were reluctant, our relationships could be considered abusive. A good, dominant man will find a partner who is turned on by dominance; he won't impose this on a woman who doesn't want it.

Are some things abusive even if we want them? Maybe. I guess we could be emotionally sick and want things that weren't good for us. One would hope that a good man would know his woman well enough to tell the difference. Of course, "out there," a lot of people think we're all sick, so this could be pretty debatable. I would say, though, that if a woman seems happier, more sexually turned on, and more functional in general, that whatever you're doing is good for her.

Just thinking out loud as usual.

Melanie

"Are some things abusive even if we want them?"

Melanie said: "Are some things abusive even if we want them?"

IMHO, the answer is, they can, but if you're as happy as Scarlet sounds it's not looking like abuse to me! :)

Trish

Great post, Melanie

Melanie --

You write:

Are some things abusive even if we want them? Maybe. I guess we could be emotionally sick and want things that weren't good for us. One would hope that a good man would know his woman well enough to tell the difference. Of course, "out there," a lot of people think we're all sick, so this could be pretty debatable. I would say, though, that if a woman seems happier, more sexually turned on, and more functional in general, that whatever you're doing is good for her.

I think you hit the nail on the head. You can't argue with happiness. If people think you're being abused/perverted/mentally disturbed/..... that's their problem. Likely they're uncomfortable because they don't have what you have.

Bill P.

comment by a 'newbie'

I just wanted to say that Scarlet's article was one of the most erotic things i've read. I would love to find a relationship on that level. I'm just getting into the whole Taken In Hand thing, but so far am loving everything I've read and experienced.

Newbie Comment

I too agree with you 'Newbie' as well as some of the other comments posted. This article spoke to my soul. It is erotic, sensual; hot...need I say more? I am so glad I have found this community because for years I never could articulate what it was I felt or what I needed or even wanted in a relationship.

Like so many people I thought incorrectly that BDSM was for me but it was only in the bedroom and while it was hot I never feel satisfied or complete. Now I want a TakenInHand relationship because it makes sense to me and it speaks to my soul and I think I have found a man who might get that. An article I read called The Taming of the Shrew, speaks to me. I have always known that I need to be tamed that I want to be tamed, possessed, owned, protected which I think is what most women want but because of the feminist movement and other things like that we have in some ways lost our identities.

I enjoy being the weaker sex however that does not mean that I am weak. I do not need a man, because I can take care of myself; however my desire to be controlled and possessed means I want a man. I equate what I want or how I need to be tamed kinda like Robert Redford's character in the Horse Whisperer except that is TakenInHand man who can whisper to my soul to possess, lead and control, as Scarlet so eloquently stated.

Good article!

I like this article. I also like to have to ask for permission to do certain things. I have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom, eat treats, and to play with myself...and I love it. I don't think it's abuse. It's something that I actually asked for first in my relationship. Thankfully, my Love had always wanted to be in this type of relationship as well! He is a great person, my best friend, and my Love. He would never hurt and I trust Him with my life.

Good article!

I like this article. I also like to have to ask for permission to do certain things. I have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom, eat treats, and to play with myself...and I love it. I don't think it's abuse. It's something that I actually asked for first in my relationship. Thankfully, my Love had always wanted to be in this type of relationship as well! He is a great person, my best friend, and my Love. He would never hurt and I trust Him with my life.

I know this article is older...

But I'm so glad it is still here. I have just sent the link to him (JohnB), and we are in agreement on it. There is only one difference in how we felt about it, from Scarlet's feelings—and that was to do with friends. But then again... we are in agreement on how to deal with the 'friends' thing ourselves, anyway, and that is what really matters, right?

What works for one couple is what matters for them, and if they are willing share (as you did, Scarlet) what works for them, it can help another couple define what will and won't work for them. That doesn't mean that the next couple has to use every component, or even any. ~smiles~ Relationship-defining information can come from either side of the fence—agreement or disagreement. In this case, it is 95% agreement, and 5% compromise. Thank you, Scarlet for sharing such a very hot letter!

~winks~
kitten

Success isn't about never falling down—it's about what you learn when you fall—and always getting back up!

too much for me

While I am not judging the terms of this relationship at all.. it definitely struck a negative cord for me. I am not involved in a relationship of any kind right now but since discovering this site and the ideas it supports I know I fall into it somewhere.. I just don't know where exactly. All the articles I read make me wonder would I? could I? And it scares me a little because without someone to love and trust enough to help me find these things out about myself it seems like any suggestion might sound good to me and that makes me feel like I don't know myself at all. But then an article like this comes along and I know that isn't true. I am happy for Scarlet that this works for her, but I know without a doubt that I would feel like I was being suffocated, and controlled in a very negative way if I lived like this. So thank you for sharing so honestly, because it helped me define something in myself that I have found very hard to do all on my own when it comes to these things. =)

Possessed and happy

Ambivalence, that's one of the great things about this site, is that there are all shades of the spectrum from which you can glean what you do (and what you DON'T) like!

Scarlet, this was so well written. I, too, am feeling a large connection with the thought of being owned. We are very new to this kind of relationship, and both of us are finding it very enjoyable. My husband decided to buy me a collar with a chain that links it to a cuff he wears. This was not something I asked for, but from the moment he suggested it, it appealed to me. The first night he put it on me, he allowed me to sleep with it on. He took it off again in the morning before it was time to get the kids up, but I found myself not wanting to have it gone. I don't claim to understand exactly why I like the things I have found myself to like, but I know that the sensation of it around my neck was like having his constant presence with me, stating loud and clear that I belonged to him and no other. I loved the way that felt. I discovered, through browsing online, the eternity collar. I have asked him to put one on me for our 10th anniversary. It's a plain steel ring made to be worn around the neck at all times, if desired. I think it will be unobtrusive enough to pass for regular jewelry, but I will know what it means, as will he.

Honestly I find myself hating the fact that I can't proclaim the fact more obviously, but my friends and family (especially our church) aren't capable of digesting this as the healthy thing that it is. I can tell you now that we have never been as close or as sexually active as we have since I expressed my desire to be in this kind of relationship. To those of you who have contributed to this site, thank you for helping me find a home.

Over Analyzing.

I think we may be over analyzing Scarlet's post. This entire post was like poetry to me—poetry from the heart. I think she is simply saying to her husband that he (as far as she's concerned) has the right to expect whatever he wants of her with the underlying message being "but I trust you will never become what I can't handle because you always put me first." I believe this is Scarlet's very poetic way of saying "honey I would do anything for you." It's incredibly romantic actually.

Scarlet's article

I loved Scarlet's article.

I would just like to say that I sometimes wear a bracelet with Mrs [my husband's first and last name] on it.

I feel happy when I go out like that.

Mandy