How we have stayed happily married for over 30 years

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and every day that I get up in the morning I am so glad that my husband is who he is. There have been good and bad times. Life has not always been easy – we disagreed plenty of times before Taken In Hand – but we have always been committed to talking through the issues that come up, whether it is financial or something of a more personal nature.

We have been in love with each other since high school. When his father retired from military service the whole family moved to another state. We were both devastated! Life went on and we fell out of contact for a short time; then he wrote to me. We remained friends through letters for quite a while but then realized that we were both still in love with each other. He had joined the military and was overseas while on a tour of duty. After we had not seen each other in well over two years he came to visit me during the holiday season. I can still see him standing there in the airport; and our relationship resumed just as if we had never been apart. That was in 1973. We married the following summer.

Something that can be a sore spot for people is talking about sexual issues. We were both virgins when we married. It was important for us; we wanted it that way. We have both known people who have had many partners before marriage and that is not something we wanted. We loved each other and we wanted commitment.

In marriage there are challenges. It is easy to stay together when things are going well but what about those hard times? Do you stay or do you leave? And I understand that there are times when marriages don't work, and then, as when there is violence in the marriage or infidelity, it is vital for the people involved to walk away unless that impediment can be removed.

I believe that if you want your marriage to work, it is important to realize that there are marriages that do work. You also need to be realistic. People seem to always want things to be perfect and they just aren't. This is real life. Things happen. But what makes a marriage work through difficult times? Commitment to love one another no matter what!

For a marriage to work the couple involved in the relationship must decide together in the beginning what it is that they need. Some people don't want children while the other person does. Others we have known have wanted a strong financial plan before moving into marriage. Depending on the person or the couple that may take several years before that goal is actually a reality. Others feel that love is all they need. Don't ever get into a marriage and think you are going to change that person. Only that person can do that. It is a choice; it cannot be a forced issue.

Through the years, we have seen some friends with great marital difficulties and it breaks my heart to see what they go through. Selfishness is something that I have seen as a common denominator. Selfishness doesn't work in any relationship, married or not; it has no part of love or commitment. None! For us marriage is not 50/50, it is 100%/100%.

It is our love for one another, our devotion, dedication and our belief in God that keeps us together. I am so in love with my husband and each day that we are alive I am so grateful to be together. We see ourselves as soulmates. Each and every day I am so excited to be with him and he with me. I just love to gaze at him.

There was a time this year that I was seriously ill and my husband was sitting in the emergency room himself sick (not the same illness) and he was planning my funeral while sitting in the corner of the room.

I no longer work at my job because the stress level was too high so we talked about it and he told me to quit. So I did. I am discovering myself and I have found that exiting from the rat race is very healthy for me. I enjoy being at home, taking some time for myself. I haven't done that in years. My husband saw what was best for me and I appreciate that so much. He is in charge and I love that. I love our Taken In Hand relationship and I love how he loves me. I am so very thankful that I am still here and I thank God every day for my husband and our family. For me that is what life is all about. It isn't about petty things, it is about what really counts.

Kat

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
The erotic power of the unshackled man
Getting To "I Do", by Patricia Allen: a book review
Who says you have to be submissive?
Resolving an internal conflict
The crooked path to where we are
Keep your sense of humour!
A lifetime of denial ends
Does being submissive mean not saying what you think?
Strength and ceding control
Acts of love

2005 Sep 29 - 02:54 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Wonderful article

Kat, this was a wonderful article. It was written from your heart with a lot of feeling. My husband and myself are also high school sweethearts, we have been married 21 years (22 in Dec.) I feel as if I fall in love with him all over again, every morning when I wake up and see him sleeping there. We are blessed to have men in our lives that care so much for us.

Cindy

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Sep 29 - 08:39 | reply to this comment

Yes to Blessed

Cindy,

I feel that I know exactly how you feel in this instance. Blessed! My heart is so full.

Thank you.

by Kat on 2005 Sep 29 - 16:50 | reply to this comment

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