How to understand and appreciate a woman

I am as saddened as the next man when hearing feminist rhetoric about the evil of men. However, I take exception when I see what looks like a dismissal of feminist concerns or portraying men to be more ethical or more right or more capable just because of their gender.

We live in a patriarchal culture and I see no point in arguing that fact. Male values, hierarchical and process-oriented approaches are revered in business and society. Women, bless them, so flexible and adaptable, have managed to not only succeed in our male-oriented culture, but even excel in it. They are a force to be reckoned with, to be respected if not feared, and we men have a choice to make: make allies of them or enemies. Personally, I would much rather have a woman at my side than to face her in battle.

The slowness, the tardiness, of our culture to accept women for who they really are in business and leadership positions, has irreparably harmed all of us.

Emotional athletes and experts in relating, women are on the track of mastering male values and approaches to get ahead in our culture. Before long, the glass ceiling will be shattered by individuals exhibiting male aspects better than most men.

And I weep.

We don’t need more men. We need our women; our wives, our mothers, our sisters, and our daughters. We need to acknowledge and utilize the feminine natural resource so eagerly available to us. We need the voice of reason, of pragmatism, of compassion, of nurture, that we are so sorely lacking today.

Women are the bedrock of civilization. Our patriarchal culture has accomplished wondrous things; we have planted footsteps on the moon, we built the Great Wall, we founded religions and whole nations. And nothing could have been accomplished without our women. We have been, and still are, standing on their shoulders.

In the tree of life, men are the branches, the outshoots, expendable gamblers that may or may not create value for society. Women, however, are the trunk and the roots. Each woman a priceless link in the great chain of mothers, nurturers, and creators. Each woman a doorway into the elemental feminine, our very connection to human society.

I am not a feminist. My motives are purely selfish. The unencumbered female perspective is a resource that we have been discarding for too long. I dearly hope that our patriarchal culture sees and starts to appreciate this treasure sooner than later.

I am not a feminist; in fact, in my personal relationships I would best describe myself as a male chauvinist. I consider my lady’s bottom and hair my personal property and those parts of her can never count on any periods of prolonged dignity. I deny her and compel her and treasure her and cherish her; she is mine and she belongs to me.

But that is the dynamics of a relationship between one man and one woman. I am only happy in a relationship when my lady surrenders to me and thrives on it. But in her professional life, she and her sisters deserves the respect and encouragement they have already earned. Neither the male nor the female approach is superior, but when they connect, when they intermingle, they are unbeatable.

We should be less concerned about what women say and do, and instead work on providing these wonderful creatures the men they truly deserve. You won’t get her respect and admiration just because you are endowed with a Y chromosome. You have to earn her trust. Only when she feels safe with you will you receive the greatest validation a man can hope for: the trust, respect, and admiration of a good woman.

I acknowledge that women do seem irrational and paradoxical to many men. I assure you, however, that appearances can be deceiving. Only if we dismiss women as small men that smell good can we infer male meaning on female communication. Women are deceivingly similar to men on the surface but it would be foolish to assume that we approach our world the same.

A woman’s brain is a massively parallel super-computer and there is no way to express the emotional currents in her heart in such a recent invention as language. Instead, look within you and let the elemental connection you feel with your lady to guide you. Take a leap of faith; she won’t bite you. At least not hard.

Within you, the elemental masculine knows exactly how to connect with her elemental feminine in a way much, much older than language. She won’t surrender to you until you have surrendered to yourself.

And when she surrenders to you, you have finally come home.


Taken In Hand Tour start | next


Truly Beautiful

You have written one of the most beautiful posts I have ever had the pleasure to read. I wish every man could read it, everywhere. You hit every nail on the head there ever was or ever will be. Thank you a thousand times, thank you.


Beautiful and thank you.

This was inspiration. I never quite thought that I would read something from a man, other than my man, that was this elegant and poignant. While there are many men who abuse women, there are those like yourself who can be strong and possess us without hurting us. Trust, pure trust was the hardest thing I could give him for my background with abusive men, from childhood on, is extensive. It sure felt amazing though to free fall into his arms. Thank you for writing something that validates our abilities, strengths and contributions to the world, past, present and future while still acknowledging the safety of coming home to the men who owns, cherished us and will keep us safe.

More male denigration

Sounds like more male denigration to me.

So long as you say either sex is more important (which you do very clearly- "women are the bedrock of civilisation",) you contribute to the problems of misandry and misogyny.

If women are the bedrock of civilisation, then I guess the great conquerors were insignificant? The great male scholars of the past irrelevant (Plato, Socrates, Jefferson)? They had nothing to do with the betterment of mankind?

Your statement of "A woman’s brain is a massively parallel super-computer..." automatically infers that men's brains are somehow inferior, by the tone of your writing.

Pray tell me, what kind of man revels in his lady's humiliation? ("My lady’s bottom...can never count on any periods of prolonged dignity..."). Apparently your motivation for spanking is contempt...

I call this not healthy feminism, but misandry of the most devious variety-that written by a man desiring forgiveness for being male.


Perhaps it stems from my womanly perspective, but it seems that you misunderstand the nature and message of this article. The writer is not seeking to denigrate the male or female sex, but simply to expound upon the virtues of both, and the incredible reaction that comes from combining the best of both. As a woman reading this article, I would see the writer as more of a man, not less of one, for respecting the inherent strengths to be found in the "weaker sex". While the author may describe women as the "bedrock", without the growth of man above, the bedrock would be nothing but barren rock, not the beautiful, vivid relationships that can exist between a man and a woman who respect the strengths that each can offer. No relationship can flourish with comtempt, be it labeled feminism or misandry, and that is the point I believe the author is trying to make.

please tell me you have single brothers

That was so well written, well expressed, Thank you.

Personally, I was raised to fulfill a man's role to ignore the obvious bounty that hinted at puberty, in every way it could be drilled into me to think and act like a man.

For a time it seemed that I succeeded. I excelled in countless male-dominated areas. My well-meaning, but terribly misguided father was so proud.
What no one knew was my ever increasing feeling of loss, of being lost. No one knew of the countless nights I cried myself to sleep after frurtively reading a smuggled romance novel.

By my mid twenties I'd married in complete confusion of who and what I was, of course that marriage was doomed. As I came to learn and embrace my true nature, my husband/child faced losing his quasi Mommie And being expected to Take Me in Hand. a role he was wholly unprepared for and unable to adapt to.

Now, finally I celebrate who and what I am. What my place in public and in private is to be. I long for the man to TakeMeInHand, to shelter me in his arms, to correct me with his hands, to love me above and beyond all, to own and possess me.


RE: please tell me you have single brothers

Cricket, they may be few and far between, but know this: there are indeed men out there that are worthy of your trust, men who would be honored to receive you in their arms, real men strong enough--and, yes, possessive enough--to cherish you, his treasure, above and beyond all.

Know that his heart aches for you as much as yours aches for him. He needs you as much as you need him. And one day you will find him. One day you will finally come home ...and so will he.


thank you dreamwalker


Thank You. Thank you for taking a moment to respond to my comment and my longing and encourage me. Thank you for the words reminding me that the one I'm meant for currently feels an emptiness in his heart and his arms that he may or may not understand that matches the ache I feel to shelter in those arms the ache my heart feels to be pressed against his.

Just, thank you for taking the time to encourage and uplift a woman you don't even know in such an honorable, respectable manner.

Your Lady is truly Blessed.


Re: thank you dreamwalker


there are so many women longing and aching for a good man to cherish them and treasure them. It is not so much to ask for, is it? Yet I see women that found their mate being congratulated by their sisters for catching such a rare animal. The women themselves are happy--perchance even delirious--for finally having found him and they triumphantly revel in how he makes them feel. Finally contented. Finally at ease. Finally at home.

Most women are too modest and too reticent to see their own importance. Remember that every effort you make to find your man you do not only for yourself, but for him as well. It is not just about your happiness: every ounce of happiness he will give you, you will also give him.

I do want to encourage you, Cricket. It is so easy to become disheartened in your quest, especially when the need in your heart is growing stronger and stronger. It is so easy to begin to rationalize that you are asking for too much.

When the quicksand pit of settling is not looking nearly as bad as it used to, remember this: the man you are looking for is a good man. He is an honorable and decent man. Be brave for both of you. He deserves your strength and your faith. You hold his happiness in your hands. After all, you are bringing him his prize, you are bringing him his treasure. You are that important.

He will steal furtive glances at you with greed and pride glittering in his eyes and conclude for the umpteenth time that he is the one that is truly blessed. He will be rightfully proud of himself because you chose him. He will lay awake at night, watching you sleep, and wonder how such a wonderful creature landed in his lap. He will finally be contented. Finally at ease. Finally at home.


Beautifully written

I've been reading here for a while but this is my first response. I apologise if I have brought up an old thread but I thought it was too beautiful to pass it up. Thanks for putting that down on paper. I have tried to explain this concept to many men I've had relationships with but they've never understood it. I'm glad there's a man out there who does actually get it and can put it into words.

Incredibly perceptive

I do not consider myself a feminist myself, but have to admit to a feeling of shock and disbelief that a man could truly understand women at such a fundemental level. It is so incredibly comforting to know that in such a male-oriented world there are those men out there, besides my wonderful husband, that can see and understand the hearts and souls of women so clearly. Thank you for this beautiful, inspiring, and perceptive article.