I am new to this web site and just read this complaint and the excellent reply. My husband works long hours and also goes to school nights to earn his Master's degree. As a result, I (a stay-at-home wife) am responsible for everything else.
I don't like chores like taking out the trash, but I know that if I want it done I have to do it myself. That's just the way it is.
My brother's girlfriend once complained to me that my brother wouldn't hang up a picture no matter how much she nagged. I suggested she hang it herself. A few days later, she told me with a smirk that she took my advice: she had leaned over him as he tried to nap on the couch and hung the picture! This was not my advice, and I was horrified. Of course, they had a huge fight. They eventually broke up because of her attitude.
I have things I need my husband to do, and I once joked that I would have to start a "honey do" jar. He got very angry and said he hated that term and I was not to use it. I meekly asked what he would like me to do, and he said to list the jobs on strips of paper and put them on the fridge—and then never to mention them again, except to thank him for the ones he did.
This system has worked out well. He does the jobs when he has the time and energy. I know they will get done—in his time, not mine. So I don't worry about them.
I, on the other hand, am disorganized and forget what he tells me to do. We tried all sorts of systems and nothing worked. One day I bought a small magnetic whiteboard and put it on the fridge. Now he writes things on there and, if they are still undone in a week, I get a spanking. This works quite well and has actually boosted my self-esteem as I see myself finishing tasks and getting more organized. The more I get done, the more I want to do.