I have always paid a certain amount of attention to what my husband likes in the way of clothing, and these days I pay more, but he didn't force me to do this. Before we went on holiday this year, for instance, he told me he wanted me to get a new swimsuit, because the one I had “makes you look too matronly,” he said. I think he meant it made me look fat, but even my husband, though not normally given to being tactful, knows how dangerous it is to suggest a woman looks fat.
Well, I said he could choose the suit he wanted for me, and he chose a plain turquoise one which was not the one I had my eye on. When I tried it on however, I realised that he had chosen better for me than I would have for myself, and that the plain one suited me better than the more flamboyant one I would have chosen.
It occurred to me that this was a perfect microcosm of how a Taken In Hand relationship is supposed to work. He didn't ignore my tastes and wishes, he chose a suit in a colour he knew I liked, and he didn't pick one out in too revealing a style, which he knew I wouldn't be comfortable with. He considered my tastes, but he made the final decision. In other words, I trusted his judgement, and it worked.
I was rather thrilled about this. But the point is it was by mutual consent. He didn't use steamroller tactics. You need to think about what your partner wants as well as what you want. You might cut up her dress and then find it's one she really loved. Women don't get over that sort of thing easily. You don't need an instruction manual to tell you how to have a relationship, you need to find out for yourselves what works for you.