My husband and I have been exploring this dynamic for more than three years, now, and we still have lots of room to grow into it.
The thing is, that there are hundreds—even thousands—of changes in thought, speech, and behavior that occur for each of you when you compare where you started to where you want to be. I just don't think it's possible to do it all at once, and when you try to and fail, you get disappointed. (I remember doing that.)
My opinion is that it's best to begin with the end as a goal but choose one small behavior to change. Once you get that down, keep it and add another. If I recall, I started with using more respectful language towards my husband (please, thank you, may I...) and it was really surprising to me how discourteous I had been to him, I rarely used those words at all. It was a change he noticed immediately and it reminded him that we were trying to change together. I think it did a lot to help convince him I was serious and gave him confidence to be more assertive with me.