How is the Taken In Hand relationship different from other male-led relationships?
Many male-led relationships exist that are not Taken In Hand relationships. In many cultures it is virtually impossible to choose anything other than a male-led relationship, especially if you are a woman. The Taken In Hand relationship is freely-chosen or it is not a Taken In Hand relationship.
Even in the West, where we have a legal right not to be in any relationship we don't freely choose, some women cannot be said to be choosing a male-led relationship. It is not enough to have a legal right to choose otherwise. It must be a fully free choice, not made under duress, threats, coercion or toxic manipulation. It must be something that both the man and the woman wholeheartedly want, and on an on-going basis. Whilst some Taken In Hand wives want not to have a choice and want their marriage to be irrevocably male-led, and act accordingly, taking responsibility for that choice and making it work, that is in itself a free choice on an on-going basis.
The Taken In Hand relationship is consensual or it is not a Taken In Hand relationship. Consensual non-consent is consensual, as has been argued at length on this site.
A couple chooses to be in a Taken In Hand relationship if and only if they both prefer this kind of relationship.
The Taken In Hand relationship is consciously male-controlled. There are many traditional relationships and other male-led relationships in which the man leads in the relationship but the couple are not aware of this as being in any way erotic. For it to be a Taken In Hand relationship, the couple must be consciously aware of the control in their marriage, and consciously choosing it. Both husband and wife in a Taken In Hand relationship actively prefer that the husband be in charge in their relationship, and find the idea erotic.
The Taken In Hand relationship is monogamous and sexually exclusive. It is between one man and one woman exclusively because that is what both wholeheartedly prefer. Taken In Hand couples tend to be exceptionally happily married, because being in a fully-committed, permanent, fully-invested, thoroughly and consciously sexually-exclusive and faithful marriage provides a concentrated focus that creates and amplifies erotic intensity over time. It also affords profound intimacy and makes any problems that arise much easier to solve.
In being in charge, the husband in a Taken In Hand relationship has a lot of power over his wife. Wanting to do no harm, he takes care to put his wife and their relationship first. This is a key difference between Taken In Hand and other forms of male-led relationship.
Some male-led relationships are all about the man. By contrast, Taken In Hand is for both husband and his wife. In taking that view, we reject the idea that either spouse should do x or y, as if it were a duty. Taken In Hand is not about gritting your teeth and doing your unpleasant duty or bearing a burden, it is supposed to be fun and sexy for both spouses.
The man's control in a Taken In Hand relationship is real, not just a game.
The Taken In Hand relationship is not about enacting stereotypical roles such as that of the 1950s housewife or the D/s “Dom” or “sub”. Human beings are complex entities and trying to make yourself fit into such boxes is likely to be stultifying and psychologically suffocating rather than conducive to a good relationship.
We don't believe there is a recipe for a Taken In Hand relationship, or that there is one true way, or that everyone should be in a Taken In Hand relationship, or that there are true men/women/etc etc, or that those men who don't want to be in charge aren't real men, or that those women who prefer to be in charge aren't real women. We reject all such statements.
The Taken In Hand relationship is evolvable, not fixed, and each person supports the evolution (growth of knowledge) of the other and of the two jointly in the relationship.
What other differences can you think of, anyone?
What you need to know about Taken In Hand
What kind of site is this?
An overview of Taken In Hand
Why do many Taken In Hand folk reject the D/s label?
Why do many Taken In Hand folk reject the DD label?
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
What Taken In Hand is, and what it is not
Is this really consensual?
The erotic power of the unshackled man
The resistant woman
He's in charge. . . but I do it my way
Do you have a commanding presence?
A woman must know that her man cares
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