How I turned the fantasy into reality

After the demise of my marriage (a long boring story) I was determined for my next relationship to be different. I realized that if my next relationship was to be a happy one then I needed to find a woman who desired domestic discipline. I started my search for a woman with this thought in mind. I was blessed to find such a woman and we have been living in a domestic discipline relationship for more than five years now.

The most difficult part of this journey was getting started. Entertaining a domestic discipline fantasy and living in such a relationship are not the same thing. Like many others, we went through a number of trials, starting and stopping domestic discipline several times in the first year before we both worked through the details. Any relationship is bound to have some trying moments and a domestic discipline one is no exception. We have arrived at a point in our relationship that we could not imagine living any other way. Since we were both interested in pursuing such a relationship perhaps our domestic discipline journey was somewhat easier than those who are trying to institute one after many years of marriage.

My major concern when first starting out was learning how and when to use discipline. It is one thing to fantasize about giving a disciplinary spanking, it is another matter to actually give one, especially to the woman I love. Erotic spanking was always easy, but a disciplinary spanking, which most women here want, was not so easy. What I learned over time was that my wife wanted me to be firm. She needed me to take charge and be the head of the household... not as a game or a role play, but for real. Intellectually, I understood this and wanted this, but finding the resources within myself and being bold enough to act took me a while to feel comfortable in that role.

My wife says I took to it like a duck to water lol, but I am not sure woman understand that in this current cultural climate claiming to be the head of the household is seen not only as anachronistic, but also abusive. What I came to learn was that being the head of the household was not so much about being like Father Knows Best, but rather a matter of truly understanding how my dominance/masculinity and her submission/femininity worked together to meet our individual needs.

Living together as husband and wife in a domestic discipline relationship has made us closer than I ever thought I could be with another person. The trust she has in me is truly humbling. To us this is not just about a man spanking a woman, but how we relate to each other on a daily basis. For us this is not (just) about me spanking my naughty wife (not that there is anything wrong with that lol) but rather is about how we connect as a man and a woman. Through domestic discipline we are able to express and accept our true natures.

The benefits have been profound. Even after five years we still behave like newly weds. She feels secure and more feminine in knowing that I am in charge and I proudly, without shame or self-consciousness, am able to be true to my masculine nature. What a relief! I must also add that I have gained a loving and caring wife who spoils me rotten. Who would've ever thought that something so seemingly simple could have such profound impact on our union? Go figure....

We use very traditional disciplinary methods. Most typical are long over the knee spankings with a few small light weight paddles or my hand. We have experimented with several implements, but prefer these implements primarily because they do not leave the kind of marks and bruising other implements do. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I incorporate corner-time in the disciplinary sessions.

Ultimately, I think everyone entertaining this lifestyle should ask themselves how does this help us to become more connected and enhance intimacy. In spite of how it may seem to others, this is not about oppression or limiting my wife, instead it is about meeting needs and finding fulfillment in each other.


Take the Taken In Hand tour


But how??

Stephen- How does a woman foster this desire in a man who, even upon recognising the desire in her feels no desire to implement a 'taken in hand' attitide?

He so has the dominant factor in himself—I have seen it in his dealings with the children, with his job, even with tele-marketers on the phone—he has the ability to take total control in no uncertain terms, make his needs and expecations known and follow thru if they are not met.... but he has never done so with me.

Since flat out asking him to adopt this idea was somehow both....unsatisfying and risky, I allowed him to 'accidentally' come across some writings and drawings I keep in a private folder...

He has teased, kidded, and announced his love of my little 'perversions', even mentioned them to a very close friend or two... but that is where it stops. This is man I love dearly and will marry this summer...

How do I get him to see this as an option...not just a fantasy? Suggestions??

[Reply on Terrisue's post here.]

Any suggestions for a reluctant/laid back man?

Unfortunately, I have bullied my fiance into accepting that I wear the pants the past 4.5 years of our relationship, so I know this is all self-inflicted. I have enforced this then complain about having a wimp for a man. I tripped over this site, by chance as many do, and instantly fell in love with the concept of "taken in hand". Ultimately, it is what I have been searching for in a relationship. I am very submissive in nature and truly enjoy being lead by a man. For whatever reason, I put on this very dominant woman in the face of the public. My passiveness was often taken advantage of through my adolescent years, and I feel that I must overcompensate for that now. As far as my intimate relationships go, I have always fantasized about a strong man rescuing this damsel and adoring me endlessly for being the respectful, obedient, and always willing please wife. Not to say that I don't ever get defiant. Sometimes I have a smart mouth, but I desire to be sternly corrected for this.

I have finally brought this whole idea to my fiance three nights ago. He reacted so well. I was absolutely crazy with worrying that he would laugh at me or altogether think I was a freak. He was definitely turned on at the idea and unbelievably supportive, but that's where it stopped. The sex, of course, was amazing the night I brought up "taken in hand". The problem lies in the fact that I feel he has no clue as how to start which he has also verbalized himself. I don't want to dictate what I desire for then it defeats the whole purpose of him dominating me. I have read the "act as if" article, and I have basically been doing that. He has claimed that he has noticed my change, but then expressed how he is finding it difficult. He questions the boundaries, whether there should be a "list of rules", to what extent should he discipline me? My best answer (without me telling him what to do) is be very stern and even more short tempered. I tell him to be short tempered because he is EXTREMELY laid back in nature. I plainly asked him if he felt cornered or did he really want this type of relationship, and he was ademate that YES, he wants this also.

*So please, what can I do to help him make an easy transition?

Tiffany Z

I could have written this abo

I could have written this about my 20 year marriage. My husband took his time figuring it out. Actually, he is still working on it. When he has time, he may read a little on the internet. And he has read book on knots and the book, Different Loving.

Once he was convinced that the dynamics of our sexual relationship had changed and this type of relationship was almost completely normal; he then started bringing the control out of the bedroom into our life 24/7. It is as if he craves more and more control.

You should be happy that your man is a thinking man who will figure out how to treat you on his on schedule.