How I overcame my obsessive-compulsive disorder

How I overcame my obsessive-compulsive disorder

I am a slave. I know that this is too extreme for many on Taken In Hand, but just bear with me for a second. I have literally found my freedom in this slavery, and regained my life through this submission. I offer up my story as a defense for submissive type relationships and evidence that some of us are truly better off because of such.

I always called myself obsessive-compulsive, but I don't know what it was exactly. Whatever you call it, I was born with a problem. I set rules for myself. Obviously, I know that this is healthy to some degree. I know it is good to have a budget, watch what you eat, and practice some time management skills. However, I carried it to extremes, to the point where it was debilitating. It was ruining my life. For example, I had such strict rules for cleaning my house that in reality nothing ever got done. I did dishes/laundry for 15 min, cleaned a room for 15 min, did dishes/laundry for 15 min, cleaned another room for 15 min. This added up to 1 hour, which meant I had earned 30 min of "free time". This also meant that I HAD to move on to the next task on the agenda, regardless if the first was finished or not, and regardless if there was another area of the house that really needed to take priority. I even set rules for my social life. I had to call/visit one person a day, no more, no less. I had rules for clothes (wear everything precisely twice), rules for my car (the console must have exactly 8 quarters, 5 dimes, 5 nickels, and 10 pennies), rules for my toe nail polish (change the color the first of every month, but NEVER change it otherwise). I had rules for everything, and complicated systems for carrying them out. What I accomplished from all of these rules was, more often than not, nothing at all. My house was a mess, I neglected family, friends, and pets, and I was stressed out all of the time.

About 6 months into our marriage, my husband became my Master. Interestingly enough, I didn't simply replace my rules with his. If this were the case, I would not consider myself cured. What happened was much better. Over time, my desire to please him overcame my rules, beginning with the house. I knew that he wanted a clean house, so I forced myself to break my rules and just do what needed to be done. It then moved on to my social life. I knew that he wanted me to be happy and truly enjoy my friends, and I couldn't do that out of a sense of obligation to call (or not call). It became easier and easier to shed these shackles on my life, and eventually I was actually living my life again. I no longer live in a constant state of stress, and I am the happiest I have ever been! Of course my husband does have rules for me, but he is my husband first and my Master second. His rules are for good purposes (don't speed, speak with respect, dress modestly etc.). I owe my sanity to his loving mastery and the submission that burns in my veins. My collar is only intangible, but I would not trade it for anything in this entire world.

Lo

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Comments

Control is powerful and can be GOOD for some

Contrary to what many social workers believe, control in a relationship can be genuinely useful and good. For individuals with this inclination it has the power to solve real, intractable problems and even to treat or diminish the symptoms of OCD, BPD etc that make life so miserable otherwise. This, of course, goes against everything social workers have been taught, but the facts speak for themselves.

Similar....

I can very much relate to this! However, I'm more ADD than anything. My husband has helped me with this, tremendously. I used to fight it but I've always deep down wanted to give him control. I was struggling teaching myself to stay on task, get the important things done first. I willingly let him decide pretty much everything and he is in charge of everything but my pride would sometimes get in the way when it came to MYSELF. My mother wears the pants in her marriage (and tried to when she was married to my father but failed). I've always seen where she was (and is) wrong in her relationships but didn't know just how terribly wrong she was until recently. The RELIEF from giving my husband control is amazing. I love him and married him for a reason. I respect him and TRUST him. He loves me so much and treats me so well. Personally, I wholeheartedly believe the dynamics of our relationship is how it is supposed to be: my husband is in control of me. That doesn't mean I, as the wife, am weak, have no opinion, etc. (Actually, that's why I have a problem with the word slave, but to each his/her own.) My husband loves that I have interests, talents, love and regard for others, my passion for being a good mother, that I can be tough when necessary, etc. I also think that he loves that it is RARELY necessary for me to be really tough.

Enough of my rambling! :) Thank you for posting this. I can say that I feel kind of cured when it comes to my ADD tendencies, thanks to my wonderful husband, who, by the way, happens to have a big case of ADHD too. But he controls himself, too. :)

Also, while I'm here, a big thanks to this site! I found it a few weeks ago via a search on Fascinating Womanhood blogs. This site has pieced so much together for me!

Two Prerequisites for Success

For this technique to be successful, two things must happen. First, the husband must have his wife's best interest at heart. Second, he must be willing to take the time and expend the energy necessary to separate his wife from her dragon.

Another Prerequisite

I agree with Noone's two prerequisites, but would add another one. The wife must be able to seriously entertain the possibility that her husband knows what he is doing and saying and she must seriously entertain the possibility that he has her best interests at heart. Otherwise no amount of time or energy will help.

I believe that this addition is important because otherwise we might argue that the husband is always deficient when his wife has problems. In order for the husband to support his wife he needs power that only she can give to him of her own free will.

Sweetie P, I am glad that you

Sweetie P, I am glad that you could relate! It was pretty unnerving baring that side of myself, so it's good to hear that I'm not alone.

Noone, I agree. It was not an easy or flawless process for either of us, and I by no means advocate my remedy as a cure-all for everyone. Many, indeed most, will need therapy. My husband and I didn't embark on our journey as treatment for my OCD, it just happened to serve that purpose.

Lo

This article could have been written by me, too!

Lo, what a great article. I had been in psychiatric treatment for most of my life until J began taking a firmer hand with me. I was on all sorts of medications, had been in the hospital, etc for crippling anxiety and depression, but that has changed. Now when I start to feel bad J helps calm me, with a backrub or a spanking, as he sees fit. This may sound cruel to some people but it's not, it really helps. I doubt it would work for everyone but for me its been a lifesaver. I can't imagine how much thought and energy he must put in to managing me, but I'm eternally grateful to him.

We are in an M/s Taken In

We are in an M/s Taken In Hand relationship as well. I am a dominant, assertive woman who is not afraid to take the lead. It just so happens that what is right for me is to be in a relationship with a dominant, assertive man who can lead our relationship. It is not always easy, but I have had to adjust and not try to control everything out of fear. He is fully capable of doing this and I, as his slave, step back and let the leader lead. Its not easy as I said, but it has truly made me a more healthy, balanced, calm, and happy individual. This is the first time a man has had my back and has the skill to lead us in a healthy direction. I just needed to let him do what he is good at.

It is a truly beautiful thing when you are both on the same page about how it should be and respect each other's roles. Life is good.