How do I know whether Taken In Hand is right for me?

[This is an FAQ question (answers to frequently-asked questions). Click here for the FAQ index.]

How do I know whether Taken In Hand is right for me?

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

Do you really want this kind of relationship? If you don't, it is not right for you.

Does your spouse want this kind of relationship? If not, then unless he or she changes his or her mind (and that often does happen) it is not right for you.

Are you a person who takes responsibility for your own actions, or are you a person who blames others for your problems? If you are hypercritical, angry, hyperemotional, spiteful, grudge-bearing, vengeful, defensive or tend to place blame or feel victimised, Taken In Hand is not right for you. It requires a certain maturity, kindheartedness, and the ability to forgive and let past problems go. Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to be actively aware that you are a fallible human being, and that all human beings are fallible including your spouse. It is essential that you understand that there will be mistakes, and that that does not mean that your spouse is a bad person. If either you or your spouse does not meet these criteria, Taken In Hand is not right for you.

Do you and your spouse each have the ability to trust the other and be vulnerable with each other, or is one or other of you a bit paranoid or distrustful? If you are the man, do you feel absolutely sure that your wife would never under any circumstances violate your trust in her by, for example, accusing you of abuse? If you are the woman, do you feel safe with your husband? Are you absolutely sure that he would never intentionally injure you or abuse you in any way? Do you each feel sure of the good character of the other? This is really very important.

How do you and your spouse each and jointly handle change? Change is stressful, even good changes. Changing your relationship in this way is a big change in most cases, and there can be all sorts of unintended consequences and unexpected events and emotions. If one or both of you is not good at handling change, Taken In Hand may not be right for you.

How have the two of you handled disagreements or incompatibilities in the past? Have you more often than not managed to handle difficulties well? Have you generally turned towards each other or have you been unable to adapt to each other? In moving your relationship in a Taken In Hand direction, you are likely to find that you will each have a different idea of what you want, and the two of you need to be able to create a path that you both like, rather than sticking rigidly to your first idea of how to proceed, otherwise Taken In Hand is not for you.

Whether you are the man or the woman in a potential Taken In Hand relationship, if to you Taken In Hand feels like a burden, it is not for you. It needs to be something you positively want, something that you think will give you pleasure and joy and passion and peace. There must be something in it for you as well as for your spouse.

See also:
An overview of Taken In Hand
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
Do you have a commanding presence?
Can you be in charge without turning into her mother?
Consent makes all the difference in the world
The importance of conquest
A woman must know that her man cares
Consent, control, connection
Barbie is the doll, Ken is just an accessory.
The resistant woman
Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be

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2003 Sep 23 - 00:00 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article |

Is Taken in Hand Right for You?

My answer to this question would be, if you are in frequent power struggles, spend hours out of weekends in a silent treatment with the man you absolutely adore, find yourself swearing at your man, and wishing you could just get along, Taken in Hand may be what you are looking for.

If you wonder why there is a constant feeling that something is wrong or once again you have made another mistake, maybe it is your relationship roles. Perhaps having your man in charge and making the calls in your home life would make you feel cared for and secure. Especially if you admire strong men who can take charge.

Maybe you would like to feel more feminine and appreciate his masculinity more. Maybe you don't care about his feminine side and whether or not it surfaces.

Maybe you are a competent capable intelligent woman but you want to be Taken in Hand and you want a dominant man in your life.

Ask yourself some of these questions without worrying if it is politically correct. Give yourself an honest answer about what would really make you happy and if Taken In Hand would make you happy this may be the relationship style for you.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Dec 1 - 06:00 | reply to this comment

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