How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand with my spouse?

How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand with my spouse?

How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand with my spouse?

One way to broach the subject is to show your husband or wife the Taken In Hand site. However, that can scare some spouses, so you might want to broach the subject a bit less directly in the first instance.

How to broach the subject depends very much on you as individuals and on your particular relationship. What might be appropriate for one person might not be at all appropriate for another. But here are a few ideas:

If you are a wife wanting to broach the subject of Taken In Hand with your husband

When your husband takes charge in any way, take the opportunity to bring up the subject, saying something appreciative about it and asking if your husband would enjoy being in charge more in your relationship.

Or perhaps you could tease your husband affectionately about him being bossy, and swoon, saying you love his bossiness.

Or you could use the opportunity to mention something you have read that said that marriages in which husbands are in charge are hotter and more harmonious, and ask him what he thinks.

Or, if any item in the news or any TV programme or blog post brings Taken In Hand to your mind (such as news about modern marriages increasingly ending in divorce, or the lack of sexual passion in egalitarian marriages) use that opportunity to talk to your spouse about what makes a marriage both stable and exciting.

Or if there is something about you that annoys your husband, that you think you can change, talking about that would be a natural way to broach the subject of Taken In Hand.

If you see a woman speaking disrespectfully to her husband, whether in real life or on TV, you could mention that you really dislike seeing men disrespected, and that if you were ever to do that you would not expect your husband to put up with it.

Remember: the best way to broach the subject is to think about your particular husband, and how Taken In Hand might be of interest to him as an individual, and broach the subject with that in mind, making it relevant to your particular husband. On no account make it sound like something unpleasant and burdensome you are hoping he will suffer. That would be all wrong. Ensure that what you say to your husband will make it very clear what's in it for him. If you make it sound like a tedious burden for him why would he ever want it?! Taken In Hand is supposed to be interesting, fun and exciting.

If you are a husband wanting to broach the subject of Taken In Hand with your wife

If your wife is a typical Taken In Hand inclined woman, i.e., strong, competent, intelligent and perhaps even a take-charge leader in her own right, and yet she melts when you take her, or when you speak sternly to her, you could take the opportunity to talk about Taken In Hand when you see that swoony look in her eye.

But a better idea is not to broach the subject at all. There is really no need for you as a husband to ask permission to take charge in your marriage, and if you try to get your wife to agree to that, that is a bit weak, and she may wonder what you are saying you want her to do, and she will not feel in the slightest bit like agreeing to anything.

And nor should she. If you want to take charge, you should take charge. That does not require your wife to agree to anything. She will respond to your taking charge. If she responds badly, you may need to make changes, or you may need to remain firm. You need to use your own judgement to determine whether or not the particular issue is one on which to stand firm or not.

Do take care to assure yourself, before you decide to stand firm on a particular issue, that that issue is reasonable and that it is consistent with putting your wife and the relationship first. If you were to start with more self-serving issues, then, unless they are relatively trivial, that might well cause your wife to react badly and reject the idea of Taken In Hand if you ever mention it.

Whether you want to broach the subject or just go ahead and start quietly taking charge, the best approach is to think about your particular wife, and how Taken In Hand might be of interest to her as an individual, and make it relevant to your particular wife, and ensure that it will seem to be in her best interests to her. If you make it unpleasant for her why would she ever want it?! Taken In Hand is supposed to be interesting, fun and exciting.

See also:
I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?
How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship?

previous | FAQ index | next

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

[This is an answer to a frequently-asked question: this page is part of the FAQ. Please try to ensure that your post is answering the question or discussing the above post. The question is: How do I broach the subject with my spouse? To address the slightly different question of how to persuade a spouse that this might be a good idea, please leave your comments on How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship? or I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?]

Comments

Broaching the subject

If your husband is a Christian, I think what I might do in your position would be to go to the bible. Lots of people have taken in hand relationships based on the biblical view on the husband being the head of the household. There are online bibles that you can search to find specific passages on marriage. Let your husband see you reading the bible. He'll likely ask what you're doing. I rarely sit around reading the bible at home, so I know this would catch my husband's attention.

Anyhow, talking to him about a taken in hand relationship using the bible as a starting point, may help to get the conversation started. It is far less likely that he'll think that you're a "weirdo" if the conversation starts from the bible.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Couple of comments

A couple of things to bring up. First, tell him why you want him to be the head of the household. By telling him how much you trust him, you will give him the encouragement to take charge.

Secondly, express this as a need of yours. He will be more willing to respond to your needs, instead of your wants.

Tom

Give him an easy start

In addition to Tom's wise advice. I would say give him an easy start. Ask for his help in a matter in which you would like him to help you make a change that he would like. This will make him curious and you can ask in a non-assuming way instead of demanding.

Horst

Broaching the Subject

Being somewhat new to this site myself, I believe the answer is fairly simple: Show your husband this website! This is what I did to get my husband to understand my desires and needs. This website is an excellent resource. It's down-to-earth, full of great advice and great common sense articles. Thankfully, he became and remained enthusiastic with the whole concept. He even subscribes to the RSS feed, and reads it more than I do.