How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand?
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How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand?
CajunBaby asks how to broach the subject:
I am new to this site but am excited to find it. I have been happily married to my husband for three years. I do believe that this kind of relationship would help us a great deal; I like the idea of my husband being in control in a loving way and, in a certain sense, I suppose he already is although it isn't something we discuss. I teased him once about him taking me in hand but he didn't really understand what I was talking about. He's Catholic and I'm fearful that he will think I'm a weirdo for bringing something like this up, even though I personally think it's very natural for a husband to be in charge of his wife. How does one bring up a subject such as this? There never seems to be a right time and I'm not even sure how I would broach the subject. I do feel I very much need my husband's firm control in our relationship. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
How to broach the subject depends very much on you as individuals and on your particular relationship. What might be appropriate for one person might not be at all appropriate for another. But here are a few ideas:
When your husband takes charge in any way, take the opportunity to bring up the subject, saying something appreciative about it and asking if your husband would enjoy being in charge more in your relationship.
Or perhaps you could tease your husband affectionately about him being bossy, and swoon, saying you love his bossiness.
Or you could use the opportunity to mention something you have read that said that marriages in which husbands are in charge are hotter and more harmonious, and ask him what he thinks.
Or, if any item in the news or any TV programme or blog post brings Taken In Hand to your mind (such as news about modern marriages increasingly ending in divorce, or the lack of sexual passion in egalitarian marriages) use that opportunity to talk to your spouse about what makes a marriage both stable and exciting.
Or if there is something about you that annoys your husband, that you think you can change, talking about that would be a natural way to broach the subject of Taken In Hand.
If your wife is a typical Taken In Hand inclined woman, i.e., a strong, competent, intelligent and perhaps even bossy woman, and yet she melts when you take her, or when you speak sternly to her, you could take the opportunity to talk about Taken In Hand when you see that swoony look in her eye. Or you could just not broach the subject at all, and just take charge more. Not every woman wants to talk about it, or admit she likes it, even if she clearly does like it.
If your wife is a staunch feminist with no apparent Taken In Hand tendencies of any kind, try broaching the subject in a gently teasing, fun, humorous way. Or if you think your particular wife might not react well to that, broach Taken In Hand in a way that makes it clear that absolutely no disrespect to your wife is intended. Be very sensitive to her need to feel competent and independent.
Remember: the best way to broach the subject is to think about your particular husband or wife, and how Taken In Hand might be of interest to him or her as an individual, and broach the subject with that in mind, making it relevant to your particular spouse.
[This is a frequently-asked question. When replying to this post, please ensure that your comments are about how to broach the subject of taking a relationship in a Taken In Hand direction. To address the slightly different question of how to persuade a spouse that this might be a good idea, please leave your comments on How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship? or I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?. Thanks, everyone! - The Editor]
See also:
I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?
How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship?
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Comments
#1 Broaching the subject
If your husband is a Christian, I think what I might do in your position would be to go to the bible. Lots of people have taken in hand relationships based on the biblical view on the husband being the head of the household. There are online bibles that you can search to find specific passages on marriage. Let your husband see you reading the bible. He'll likely ask what you're doing. I rarely sit around reading the bible at home, so I know this would catch my husband's attention.
Anyhow, talking to him about a taken in hand relationship using the bible as a starting point, may help to get the conversation started. It is far less likely that he'll think that you're a "weirdo" if the conversation starts from the bible.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
#2 Couple of comments
A couple of things to bring up. First, tell him why you want him to be the HOH. By telling him how much you trust him, you will give him the encouragement to take charge.
Secondly, express this as a need of yours. He will be more willing to respond to your needs, instead of your wants.
Tom
#3 Broaching the Subject
Being somewhat new to this site myself, I believe the answer is fairly simple: Show your husband this website! This is what I did to get my husband to understand my desires and needs. This website is an excellent resource. It's down-to-earth, full of great advice and great common sense articles. Thankfully, he became and remained enthusiastic with the whole concept. He even subscribes to the RSS feed, and reads it more than I do.
#4 Give him an easy start
In addition to Toms wise advise. I would say give him an easy start.
Ask for his help in a discipline matter. This will make him curious and you can confess and you have not to demand.
Horst