How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship?
Don't push him. Don't keep going on and on about Taken In Hand. Don't force him to talk about it endlessly. Give him the information, and then wait for him to think about it and initiate any changes. Avoid haranguing him! Give it time! If he likes reading things, give him a list of the articles you most like on the site, and something you yourself have written that paints a word picture of what life would be like between you in a Taken In Hand relationship. If he does not like reading things, do not bombard him with articles to read.
Convey the information in a way that will suit him. Be concise, and also be clear, logical, precise, concrete and specific. If you say too much, he will tune you out or feel too overwhelmed to read everything. If you are vague, he will misunderstand what you are asking for.
If you are having trouble putting into words what you want, try writing it down. If you end up writing a lot, and it is not concise, clear, logical, precise, concrete and specific, rewrite it until it is. Write a single paragraph, or a very short list.
Show him what is in it for him, but whatever you do, don't attempt to blackmail him into taking you in hand by implicitly threatening to behave badly or be upset if he does not hop to it and meet your demands. Does that sound like something that would appeal to a man who might want to be in control?
Don't behave badly to try to provoke him. Apart from being morally objectionable, that is likely to put him off the idea completely, and might even cause him to leave you. Why should he want to be with someone who treats him so badly? Think about what a bad taste that is likely to leave in his mouth.
Instead of focusing on yourself and your own needs, and becoming more demanding, try thinking more about your husband and his wishes, and do whatever you can to please him. He is much more likely then to want to please you in turn.
Don't be demanding and self-centred. This is not something to which you are entitled, and nor are you offering him a gift: recognise that actually you are asking him to give you a gift, and approach him accordingly. And be sure to express your appreciation if he shows the slightest sign of moving in the direction you are asking him to move. If you complain that it is not enough, or criticise his efforts to take you in hand, that will just cause him to forget the idea and go back to how things were.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that if you start trying to make a really huge effort to honour his wishes and requests, he will never firmly take charge. On the contrary, he is much more likely to step up to the plate if you show good will and don't try to provoke him into taking you in hand. Once he feels confident that it is not going to be an endless and exhausting battle for control, he is much more likely to forcefully take charge and take you in hand if needed. Try taking a step towards him instead of making his life more difficult, and see what happens.
If he does not seem to have grasped what you are asking for, you may not have been clear, concrete and specific enough when introducing the idea. Try to convey the missing information again, but be very careful not to harangue him.
Expect your wishes and preferences and your idea of Taken In Hand to change over time. What you think you want now may not be quite what you will want a year from now. The details will change. Your Taken In Hand relationship will evolve.
For example, those new to Taken In Hand sometimes make the mistake of focusing on discipline and punishment as opposed to the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship. In other words, what they have is a DD (domestic discipline) relationship, not a Taken In Hand one. Then, when the husband is posted overseas on active military duty, or husband or wife is incapacitated or ill in such a way that physical discipline and punishment is impossible, that is a problem. Whereas those who focus on the idea of the Taken In Hand relationship and are thus focusing on the husband wearing the trousers in the relationship don't have that problem (of feeling that the DD relationship has been lost) because the husband's control can be expressed in many different ways. Whilst you yourself may not have to deal with a long-distance situation, paralysis or other very serious illness, there will be other issues. So if you are a person who is currently focusing on discipline and punishment rather than a Taken In Hand relationship, you may well, over time, move away from your DD focus.
The man wearing the trousers is a deeper psychological reality that does not require you both to be present, fit, healthy and physically up to discipline, but that psychological reality often takes time to develop. It evolves along the way. Your understanding of Taken In Hand will change as you go along. So will his. You should both be aware of this. Have fun experimenting. Be willing to backtrack and make changes.
Don't expect more than a human being can deliver. Never ever compare your husband to other men, even in your own mind. Start focusing on the things you love about him, rather than focusing on what you think is lacking. Be happy and appreciative of any progress there is, even the smallest thing. Think like a glass half full person rather than a glass half empty person, and instead of complaining that there is only a mouthful of water in the glass, be delighted in that mouthful and let him know how much you enjoyed it!
Don't expect miracles, and don't expect anything to happen overnight. Think in terms of years rather than days. Think in terms of trial and error, experiments, exploring possibilities, and taking several steps backward on a regular basis on your journey.
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