How can I be sure he's monogamous?
Someone asked me the other day: “How can I be sure he's monogamous?”
But what she really wanted to know was how she could be sure that he would be faithfully sexually-exclusive with her and her alone, as opposed to promiscuous.
People often mistake the question of whether to be monogamous or non-monogamous (or polyamorous or polygamous) for the question of whether or not to be promiscuous. But plenty of monogamous individuals are promiscuous, and plenty of poly folks strictly limit themselves to a couple of lovers. The word “monogamous” is ambiguous. It has a number of different meanings, only one of which necessarily implies “not promiscuous”. I certainly know individuals who consider themselves monogamous but who reserve the right to engage sexually with others. And many married people who claim to be sexually exclusive and faithful to their spouse are in fact very promiscuous.
So if you want to be sure you are on the same page, you need to ask explicitly whether the other person prefers one-to-one sexually-exclusive relationships or whether he or she prefers a more inclusive or more open arrangement.
Have you seen the following articles?
What you need to know about Taken In Hand
Empowering dominance
Who says you have to be submissive?
He who dares, wins
If I asked for the moon...
Don't wait too long to tell her
Quietly taken in hand
Do you need more attention in your relationship?
Alpha male dominance
Happy living in fear of a man?!
Comments
#1 Sounds like an ex-President to me...
If someone asked me if I was monogomous, I would say, "YES!" And, in my mind and in my terminology, that would mean that I am the husband of one wife, and faithful to her - meaning, that I have not had sexual relations with any other woman.
If you've got a partner that would, out of one side of his (her) mouth say that monogomy was a significant component of the relationship, yet believe that sexual promiscuity was permissible, unless it was explicitly agreed to - well, I can only say that this is a partner that wasn't trustworthy to begin with, and I would want no part of that person in a relationship.
Just ask the ex-President's wife.
Sam (of Sam & Missy)
#2 Monogamy
I'm with you, Sam, but I have certainly heard people calling themselves monogamous while reserving the right to have sexual relations with individuals other than their spouse (not necessarily deceitfully).