How badly I want this; how difficult it is to ask for it

I guess it's hard for men to understand how badly, how strongly, some women (me, for instance) want a man who will, in the general sense, more or less take charge and, the specific sense, enforce his authority by giving me a good spanking. A real one, and not a few taps—and do it for good reasons and sometimes for no reasons. Just because he can.

And what's harder to understand, I guess, is that it's the most difficult thing imaginable to ask for. So far, I haven't been able to. I'm single now, so there is nobody really to ask. But when there has been, and the subject came up (only a couple of times, in passing) I have blushed red and felt my throat close from pure self-consciousness and, frankly, desire.

Also, I wonder: Will he want to? Will he be appalled? Uninterested.

Look, I want it. A lot. And I want him to want it, to really enjoy it, too. To get into it. To love it. Like I would.

Suzi S

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Taken In Hand scares them off

Suzi, I am single, too. I have ads out there, and if someone really interests me I will tell them I have a personal ad at takeninhand. Then they are usually scared off. But I know I cannot carry the weight of another (irresponsible) person as I have in the past. And I know how empty that was for me. I am figuring it's only a matter of time....

I would say that, rather than thinking of myself as odd, I just know that I cannot stand myself when I am out of control or unreasonable. I carry too much regret for words or actions that stem from strong emotion or impulsiveness, or just a mood. I know that I need to be with a man who can control me when I lose control of myself. Don't give up! There's a link to my email in my personal ad. Hang in there and do NOT settle for less than what you need to be happy. A lifetime is a long time.


Men Love to Please their Woman


I think some of it will depend on how long you have been seeing someone. It might be hard to ask to be taken in hand on the first or early sexual experiences with someone, but I am guessing that after a month or two it might work quite well. I think that many men, especially more open-minded men, would find erotic spanking interesting. My husband is definitely not a spanko but he has been ok with it from the very first day I mentioned it many, many years ago. We just didn't make much progress because he didn't understand how I wanted it to feel and I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. Every time I tried to bring it up I was just so afraid he would think I was a pervert or something. Now I realize how ridiculous that was. That as long as both people enjoy it most anything is ok in the bedroom. Now I wish I had been more honest about my needs right from the beginning. It would have been better for both of us.

By the way I am talking about erotic spanking. The kind that is only part of sex and doesn't mean he is choosing to be your authority and you are choosing to be submissive. A real life taken in hand relationship will be harder to come by. I suggest just trying out a little spanking during sex with your guy first and then later moving into the other aspects of really being taken in hand in the full sense of the word. While I think most men would be very comfortable taking a woman in hand for sex, not all would want to have a true taken in hand relationship which includes dominance and submission.

I think if you are really interested in this kind of relationship you will have to speak up fairly quickly or you might end up frustrated and unhappy. Most men just want to please their woman sexually and this is a fairly easy way to do it.

Good luck to you!

Honestly, the easiest thing t

Honestly, the easiest thing to do when you do enter your next relationship would be to simply bring it up during sex as a sexual spanking. Most men don't have any trouble with this idea, at least as far as my knowledge goes. It might take time then, to move from sexual spankings to real ones, but he would have to learn to enjoy it first enough to consider it as a life style. But this can certainly happen with men that had not previoulsy considered it. People can certainly be conditioned to enjoy being spanked or spanking. If the spanking always happend around a sexual encounter, it would stand to reason that his body would become conditioned to expect sex after spanking and he would eventually enjoy it. But you might want to ease the relatioship into all of this as I said earlier.

I too, want this!

I too, Suzi want the same thing. Though I am in a commited relationship and have been for 3 years, it is still hard for me to ask for this kind of a relationship.

We have done erotic spanking and we dabble in light B&D but, to ask for him to Take me in Hand on a regular basis is something I find difficult. Even though I know I am not alone in this matter, I still, at times, like so many others think that there is something wrong with me for wanting this and thinking this way, but I know that I do want it and it is a reality for me. That I cannot change. I have had these feelings and thoughts since I was very young. I knew I was not alone on this matter, but after reading on this site, I truely now know how many more women feel the same way I do.

I find that when he gives me a spanking in erotic play (even though it is sometimes hard, which I can handle) that for one, the lovemaking is so much more intense and two, that I feel a great sense of release afterwards. He has no problems doing that during erotic play, but I still am finding it difficult to ask for in another sense. I am submissive by nature and would like to be more so. He is a dominant man, but in a good way.

I am a homemaker and it is not by choice, some things in life happened to me to cause this to happen. It has been over 4 years since I have been able to work and I find it quite depressing and I find that I also get into slumps. I always do my housework, but I am lax in doing other things that really need to get done. That is where the depression comes in and where I would like him to Take me in Hand to help me get out of this slump not only because because I find that a spanking makes me feel cleansed in a sense of a way, but also that it also makes us closer and more loving towards eachother. We get along great for the most part (we really only argue when he messes up-lol) and I think that would add to our relationship. I am not saying that I cannot do things for myself and I HAVE to have this to get out of my slumps, but I am going to be realistic here. I want this, I need this and as I have seen some others say that, it is not only the discipline side of it, but it is also the sexual sparks that would fly afterwards even if we did not make love that same day. For me, the two go hand in hand, but I also do not want or need it for the sexual part of it. I want it because I want it, bottom line (no pun intended-lol). Nothing would make me feel better than to have a good bare bottom spanking by the man I love on a regular basis.

I wish he was a reader so I could send him to this site. I just discovered this site a couple of days ago and I can't stop reading-lol.

All I can say is, thank you to all of you that share the same feelings that I do. I am also sorry if my writing is not as articulate as most of yours on here, but I write the best way I know how too. May you all have a great day!

You speak for me too, Suzi

You speak for me too, Suzi. I too want to be dominated and disciplined very badly. I have asked my husband but he's not hearing me. He calls it "criminal activity." Good luck to all the ladies that want this.

I am going to go for it!

Hello all,

I made my first post in here yesterday. I have decided that I am just going to talk to him about it today. It is not going to be an easy thing to do, but I do have to keep in mind that we can really talk about a lot of things openly and that we have done erotic spankings, but I still wonder if he will not understand.

I did tell him today (over the phone) about this site and a little of what it is about so, I did open the door for further conversation. I know in my heart that this is what I need and want in my life and if I do not have a Taken in Hand relationship, I will not be happy!

I am so hoping that he will understand and at least be willing to try because I do love him so very much! Furthermore, I hope he will be understanding and that he will want to at least give it a shot.

One other thing I meant to mention in my first post is that there seems to be a lot of great support in this site as well as people who do not understand. I know that not everyone feels the same way, but to each his own and if we all felt the same way about things, what a boring world this would be so, I say, if it is harming no one and it is something that two grown adults agree upon, then it is no one else's business.

For those of you who are in a Taken in Hand relationship and for those of you that would like to be (may that become a reality for you someday), please wish me luck! I shall keep you posted as to what happens.

Go for it!


best of luck to you with this. By taking the initiative you are taking a risk, but you are also giving yourself the chance to fulfill your deepest needs and desires. I have the deepest respect for anyone who has the courage to pursue what they most want.

If you want to chat more, do feel free to e-mail me at All the best!

Going For It

Summer: I hope that by now, you've taken the plunge. I too knew that I wanted this type of relationship- for MANY years. My husband and I were married more than 2 decades when I decided to tell him. Thanks to the internet, I'd realized that I wasn't alone in my thinking.

When I finally decided to tell all, I became frightened beyond words- I knew that describing all that I felt needed to be said would be nearly impossible, particularly if I felt the least bit of resistance on his part.

I decided to write him a love letter, and in it I chronicled our lives together to-date; where we'd been and where I saw our relationship going.

I made it clear that I adored him and that I'd been remiss in revealing these needs that I'd kept hidden for all of those years.

It was so much easier to write to him- that way, I could get it ALL out- I was able to cut and paste and revise to my hearts content.

I'd paved the way by telling him that I had something that was profoundly important that I needed to tell him- and I asked if he'd be okay with my writing to him vs. sitting and talking initially. He was beside himself with the anxiety of waiting for the letter, but again, for us, it worked well.

Now- don't think that it was all roses from there. He was very accepting of my revelations, but putting these new ideas into practice was another thing altogether.

We developed new communication tools that had never been present in our marriage before. We wrote down our thoughts and fears to one another, UNTIL we became comfortable talking about this most personal topic.

Hope things work out well for you Summer. Good luck!

Thank you!


Thank you fulghum21 and Max for your words of encouragment. I did in fact take the plunge Friday night. I was going to write him a letter, but as things turned out I did not need to. We were talking on the phone and we ended up on the talking about sex, so I just went from there and it was easier than I thought only because of the fact that we had done it during sex.

He was very supportive and liked the idea of being head of the household (I will still be handling the finances though as he does not wish to and is lousy with money-lol). We talked very openly about it and started laying down some ground rules, those being things that we want, need and expect from eachother. As I told him, I know that we will go through a trial and error period, but that we will get through it. It will take some time for it to become natural and second nature to us.

I am a lucky woman to have a man that is open to a Taken in Hand relationship. I feel very blessed so to speak. I know that so many people out there are looking for this same type of a relationship and what a hard thing it is to talk about. We feel like something is "wrong" with us, but I know that what I feel is not wrong, it is just part of who I am. This has been going on for centuries yet, society for the most part has dictated it as being wrong.

Thank you again and may your life always be fulfilled with your dreams! Have a wonderful day!

Summer2, I'm proud you took took the plunge!

Summer2, I'm proud you took the plunge! It's hard too isn't it.

[Editor's note: For more of this comment, see the readers' forum.]