One of the most important ingredients for a happy Taken In Hand marriage is exclusivity. I want my husband to be the only man in my life, and I the only woman in his...from a sexual and/or romantic perspective. A husband may have a mother, and female friends, but his wife must be the only woman he is intimate with, both sexually and socially.
Similarly, a wife may have lots of friends, but she must not gossip about her husband to others or be sexual with others.
They need to focus exclusively on each other, exploring each other more deeply and broadly over the years, instead of watering down their interest in each other by turning their attention to others or sharing private information with others. A marriage needs to be a private intimate space that is just between the two of them. This creates, nurtures and preserves the sexual passion in a marriage and is absolutely paramount for a happy marriage.
When a man passionately loves a woman, he loves only that one woman. She is the reason he gets out of bed in the morning and goes to work...and he is the reason she does the same, whether she is a housewife or works outside the home. She is the light of his life, and he the same for her. They may have other friends and interests but they stick together and treat their marriage as a precious sacred bond. They cleave unto each other and forsake all others.
In a happy marriage, husband and wife are on the same page in every decision that is made. He listens to her, hears her thoughts and takes them to heart. In a Taken In Hand marriage, the husband makes the ultimate decision, but he takes his wife's needs and desires into consideration in the decision-making process. A Taken In Hand husband puts his wife and their marriage first, always, so his wife's input is very important to him.
Sexually speaking, compatibility is important. A Taken In Hand marriage is a passionate one, not a sexless or merely companionate one. So it is very important, if you are seeking a Taken In Hand relationship, that you talk about sexual issues and be very sure before you become sexually intimate with each other, that there is not a terrible incompatibility in your sexual desires. Do not wait until you already feel bonded to each other to discover that your potential spouse has a hankering for a particular kind of sexual act that you find abhorrent. Honesty is paramount here. Similarly, waiting several years into marriage to say, “you know, you ask me to do this, but it makes me intensely uncomfortable,” is far too late for such revelations. Talk about these things before you even kiss. Do not assume that your desires are compatible. Talk about it. This is important for both of you. Sexual compatibility is vital for a happy marriage.
Values compatibility is also vital for a happy marriage. If you cannot even agree on the ground rules of a potential marriage, or your values are incompatible, a marriage would be unhappy and unstable. Happily married couples feel deeply aligned in terms of values. Find out about a potential partner's values before you allow yourself to become bonded to the person.
Very key to happy marriages—and I know this because I see them all around me even though mine did not last—is pure, loyal, abiding LOVE. Love your partner, like your partner, and show them, through words and actions, that they are the reason you get up each day. Be true to them, give them every reason to trust you and zero reasons to fear or disrespect you. Love, like trust and respect, is earned.