Holding the hand that spanks me

Holding the hand that spanks me

Yesterday, after reading many scenarios of other couples who are working out the realities of their Taken in Hand relationships, my husband and I decided to e-mail each other a written fantasy while my husband ("Beast" to my "Belle") was at work. He wrote in the first and second person a scene that he imagined between us, “imagine I’m doing this, and then you...” while I wrote a story, full of detail, in the first and third person, “I said...., but then he....” It was very hot, though we both recognized that the intensity level at which we were writing was way beyond where we are at the moment of our relationship (which seems almost like a new marriage). Still, it kept us feeling very connected to each other erotically all day, and excited to see each other when he came home.

Last night, Beast decided to spank me, not because of anything in particular I had done, but because he just felt like it. He also felt annoyed at my critical tone over dinner, and let me know it with a rapid set of spanks to my bare flesh. It was a small thing, but a sign of a much bigger issue we need to address over time. Peeling the onion of my dominant nature to get to my softness. Soon he felt a change in mood towards the erotic, and went with his impulses. He is reveling in his new-found sense of freedom, and I in my new-found sense of being married to a man. Later, we decided to sit in bed and watch a bit of the movie “G.I. Jane,” so that I could have the satisfaction of watching a woman kick some ass for a while.

I don’t know who reached out first, but at some point I realized we were holding hands. The realization came on me slowly, but I began to focus on the fact that his warm, strong hand was holding mine while we watched a movie. Understand, this just never happened before. We would watch a movie together in the family room more as an avoidance of intimacy than an opportunity to be close—and we never held hands. Now, looking at his hand holding mine, I lost track of the movie for a minute—the feeling I had of overwhelming comfort and warmth, knowing that I was holding this hand that just moments before had spanked me hard and then gave me intense pleasure, was deep and warm and very moving.

We have a long way to go. We need advice and encouragement. The onion Beast has the job of peeling is large and densely packed. I am still in many ways stronger and more sure of myself than he is. He needs to step up and I need to step down, and both of us feel our tasks to be immeasurably hard. We know it will be a long process. But for the first time in ten years I feel like I am in capable hands. I want to thank you all so much for sharing your ideas, your thoughts and even your intimacies, as they have helped to save a marriage.

Belle

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Comments

Congratulations, Belle

I am very happy for you and Beast, for your steps in this new direction for your relationship. JohnB. and I are also fairly new to it, and in fact, are even still living in different states. I am very glad that we've found this prior to marrying (though we've both had failed marriages, before), and we both believe that we've found the best thing for both of us, in this Taken In Hand concept.

Because of the newness, I'm not sure that I'm really able to offer much in the way of advise—but I can at least let you know that you are not alone in your journey.

~hugz and best wished to both of you~
kitten

Yummy!

"Now, looking at his hand holding mine, I lost track of the movie for a minute—the feeling I had of overwhelming comfort and warmth, knowing that I was holding this hand that just moments before had spanked me hard and then gave me intense pleasure, was deep and warm and very moving."

Thank you for that little picture. I will think of this now, when my husband holds my hand. His hands do so much.
Just to add a few....he works with those hands to bring home the bacon. Those hands keep my car running.

Why does the fact that you are in many ways stronger than he is

"I am still in many ways stronger and more sure of myself than he is."

Probably at the same time he is in many ways stronger than you, otherwise you hardly would explore the taken in hand relationship with him. And probably you'll remain in many ways stronger than he is unless you manage to give up your strength somehow (and from my point of view this would be utterly stupid).

But why does the fact that you are in many ways stronger than he is constitute a problem? Is your relationship a war that he must win? From my point of view people in a good relationship cooperate rather than compete. Is your perception of what is a good relationship different? Do you feel that in order to become cooperative you have to be defeated?

Well, when I say that in many

Well, when I say that in many ways I'm stronger and more sure of myself than he is, that implies "but not in all ways." Still, your question is an interesting one. No, it's not about a war, but about righting the boat after it's been taking in water for so long. Some things are just imperative—he needs to suit up, and I need to let him. But the fact is, and he'll tell you this himself, he is not terribly sure of himself as a general rule, and acting like he's "in charge" and totally in possession of himself is, well, kind of acting right now, not coming naturally to him. But he is strong in the sense that he is willing, he is motivated, he is committed, he is "game."

But in a way, yes, I need him to "win," and I need him to know what that feels like, and to know that he deserves to have the respect he is so tentatively demanding.

Does that make sense?

Belle

> Does that make sense?

> Does that make sense?

Yes, it makes a lot of sense. You care about him and about your relationships, so you are trying to do something about "righting the boat" rather than passively waiting for him to do something about it (as far too many women do): your cooperation is your contribution.

However, there is something strange (from my point of view) in your messages on this thread. If you still are with him despite the fact that your "boat" has been "taking in water for so long" as you put it, if you are willing to explore taken in hand relationship with him despite the fact that being spanked hurts, this probably means that you have strong feelings towards him and value him highly. But the only virtues of his you did mention were his motivation and commitment to your relationships. It sounds as if you were habitually underestimating him. Maybe being spanked should somehow correct your opinion about your man, opinion that (as you feel) is wrong? There are personal traits that is not easy to describe with words, and people are sometimes prone to think that something that is not easily verbalized does not really exist.

Good Point

There are many qualities about him that are wonderful, and yes, I do love him. It's not that if they are hard to describe they appear not to be there—it's that I've been focused on the poor qualities, the negative, for so long. What will really help to turn my mind around and help me to respect him is his growing willingness to own his own stuff, to find his voice, to speak his mind, to make decisions that are about what is best for the family, and to focus his attention on his wife. We've had some real trouble. But we are both committed to trying One More Thing. Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

Belle

Re. Acting

Don't worry about the feeling that Beast is just acting—the old saying goes "assume a virtue, if you have it not, and it will become you". Once he sees the power of his actions, he will relax into the role and it will become a natural part of him and of your relationship. He probably has a great deal of programming (of being "nice" to women)to overcome (I know I do). I wish you well.