His word is final

As the woman within a Taken In Hand relationship, I prefer having things understood clearly from the start. If I have decided that this is the man whom I want to lead our relationship, if I trust him in that way, then to my mind, I will accept all of the decisions that he makes regardless of whether I agree with those decisions or not. It's as simple as that.

Whenever I say things like this, there are always folks who will bring up extreme examples, such as “What if his decision puts you or your children in harm's way?” Frankly, that is another issue altogether. I was in a long term relationship with a gentle Alpha man who descended into mental illness—schizophrenia, to be exact—over the course of two years. Prior to his becoming mentally ill, and ultimately taking his own life, I deferred to him in all matters, and I never regretted doing so. However, when it became apparent that he was not mentally capable of making responsible decisions, I had to make those decisions on my own, and I openly refused to go along with many of his edicts because they were not the product of a mentally healthy mind.

So when I say that I will accept all of the decisions that my dominant partner makes, I certainly exclude extreme examples such as the example above—which as I said, I experienced first hand. I am not incapable of “taking charge” of my own life when need be, and there is no one who would call me a doormat. I am an intelligent, well-educated, thoughtful woman who has taken care of herself just fine for most of her adult life.

But within a Taken In Hand relationship, I want it to be perfectly clear, and understood between the two of us, that his word is final. Difficult, sure, these days, when we are all counselled to be independent, to make our own decisions, to stand on our own two feet, to be “assertive.” Difficult also when you have a rather strong will of your own, LOL. But not impossible, especially when you have chosen a man who respects you, listens to you, takes your thoughts, your opinions seriously, and at the same time, takes his own responsibility to lead the relationship seriously.

I believe with all my heart that when a woman within a Taken In Hand relationship fully submits to the authority of the man in her life— the man whom she has chosen, the man whom she has recognized as trustworthy, the man who keeps her best interests in mind when making decisions that affect her—when she fully submits to his decisions, their bond can grow, and their relationship can flourish.


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Perfectly said. This is just the way I feel about it, too. (And the same problems with those who do not or will not understand. But alas...)


I think this is utterly beautiful. It would be hard to match, in directness of statement, in power and serenity of commitment. Personally, there is something uncanny in what you have said about independence and assertiveness. It is something I have been groping to express in terms of pre-personal, pre-juridical bonds of mammalian warmth. I do not wish to burden this lovely piece with theory--but of course I have one.

What a woman! Magnificent!