My husband and I began a Taken In Hand marriage ten weeks ago, at my suggestion. At first he was appalled that I would want to be "subjugated" but I tried very hard to describe the dynamic I was looking for, of shared responsibilities but a male leader in our marriage. We started out slowly, and have gained so much. We are, in his words, like newlyweds again, crazily in love with each other. His being in charge (finally) has allowed him to relax and enjoy his take-charge nature (which was there all along, and which I bitterly fought against). Our teenage daughter has noticed the huge change in our relationship and in our home, and has asked why we don't fight anymore. Instead, she finds us snuggling together in the evening, and holding hands.
I have changed inside, due to my choice not to argue with him any more, and to let him make decisions. He does micro-manage in the house, but I think only because my disorganization was making him crazy, and now he can finally change things for the better without watching me have a fit. When I realized how many, many things he has begun instructing me to do differently, I asked him how he lived with me before. He admitted that he was very angry with me most of the time, but he loved me too much to do anything about it except stew. Now he has a clear road: he tells me to handle something, and I do it.
I have already found that I LOVE my new way of life. I love not arguing, I love the sense of peace I have in my daily life, and I even love being told what to do. Who knew I could come to that, after years of thinking I had to fight him tooth and nail to retain my independence. I used to say to my girlfriends (who were aware sometimes of the nearly constant bickering in my house) that every time I drew a line in the sand, he stepped over it. What a perfect man for a Taken in Hand relationship, right? And it wasn't until I found this site that I was able to recognize what I wanted deep down in my heart, underneath that prickly outer core that was my "independent self," was a man with the strength to deal with me.
He has transformed from a withdrawn and often edgy husband into a kind and loving one who is always concerned with how I feel, but absolutely, firmly in charge at all times. He is growing more comfortable in his leadership role, and has come a long way in this new journey, from being horrified at my suggestion that we make this change, to telling me that we should have done this fifteen years ago. I agree.