Handle with care... and honor and fidelity

I have always been both enamored with, and amused by, the female gender of our species. There is a sense of mystery about them. They have learned to deliver such mixed messages—signals that only another female can decode—that they leave the male gender confused, in doubt, unsure and oft-frustrated, but wonderfully puzzled.

Yes, females are wonderful creatures. Soft, yet tough. Conquerable, yet resilient. Feisty, yet gentle.

But, men, never forget: there is a part of a woman, a component of what makes them female, that is decidedly fragile. It is a part of them that is delicate. It is with this component that you must handle with care.

For men, the innermost part that is the core of his being is his ego. Tamper with his ego and you are fooling with the mental and emotional tooling of the man. For the woman, however, it is her heart.

The heart of a woman is very strong—yet very fragile (in this sense, something akin to the ego of a man). The heart of a woman who is loyal, faithful, true and solid is so, so fragile: it is her very being. It is what she opens to the man so that he can take possession of her. She places it in his hands with the utmost trust. It is up to the man to place value upon this trust. He must cherish it and guard it with utmost intensity, as fiercely as he would an attack by a rapist upon his woman.

Fidelity in the relationship is all about protecting the heart of the woman, because it is from this trust-of-possession, and the respect of that trust that her man provides the value and self-worth that she derives from the relationship.

When a man takes this trusted possession and simply discards it through unfaithfulness, he communicates to her that her trust has no value to him. In his actions, he (sometimes unknowingly, yet) viciously attacks the being of the woman. She then questions her worth and the value of her trust.

Yet, it is we men whose being and worth should be questioned. What is the value of a man who would do such a thing? An honorable man would terminate a relationship in an honorable fashion. To do so would be to protect her heart and to guard her value and her trust.

No, it is the unworthy man that would risk her core, her being, in pursuing other challenges. It is the dishonorable man that would take this possession that she has entrusted to him, her heart, her soul, and flush it down the toilet as if it were so much refuse.

So gentlemen, particularly you younger fellows: understand the wonderful nature of your woman. Cherish it. In your relationship with her, deal with her from a position of honor. Honor the trust that she has handed over to you and surrendered to your care.

Handle with care.


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Good Lesson

Wouldn't it be great if Sam's message could be grasped and heeded by men before making painful errors? I have been victimized by infidelity. I forgave and was understanding but didn't then understand how greatly it hurt me and ripped apart my self-esteem as a woman. The relationship (a marriage) ended.

And since then I have read comments of gentlemen here, who like Sam, are so in to their women. I also have a new gentleman in my life who places me at prime focus. It feels very new to be thought of as a jewel. I am astounded at times that it can be so wonderful after having endured such deep, destructive pain.

I am glad to know, despite the endless jokes that make the email circuit and the prevalence and acceptance of pornography, affairs, etc.; that there are men who are devoted and committed to one woman they love. Devotion is what I saw in my parents relationship. How nice to know it can still exist today.

On Sam

The reader who posted above might like to read Sam's other articles. For example, A new journey. Click on Sam's name, above, to get a complete list of all his wonderful articles. What I love about Sam is that he is a man who does not fatalistically and passively do nothing when there is a problem. Instead, he actively works to solve it. He faces painful truths and improves himself as a person on an on-going basis. I so admire that.

Terrible effects we had not predicted

My husband and I allowed ourselves to become sexually involved with another couple. I agreed to it, he didn't force me. It has had far reaching effects to our marriage. I can't help feeling like he gave me away, that what I vowed to him was not so special that he wanted to keep it for himself. I had/have serious effects about how I view myself. Even though I agreed, I'm surprised there is any situation where he would share me. I don't know if we'll ever recover.

Sam's words are so true. I wish my husband understood them. I wish I had.

Re: Terrible effects

My husband and I share each other sexually with other people all the time and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with not being careful or honest or faithful. I trust my husband with everything, my life, my heart, everything. Why? Because I know he would never lie to me. I know he would never purposefully hurt me.

Does it bother me that he wants to share me? No, I like it because I know it means that he wants other men to know how wonderful I am and that he has security in our relationship that what we do with our bodies is no threat to our relationship because what we have means something more than sex. What we have in our relationship means more than a promise not to have sex with anyone else.

I don't know if your husband understands what Sam wrote in his article but I know my husband does. That is why he didn't cheat on me, he came to me and said that he would love to have us be sexual with other people. Not only did it not damage our relationship, it deepened our trust and openness with each other in ways that I could not have foreseen.

I am sorry that you were hurt by your experience. I just wanted to put forward the idea that that is not necessarily how it has to be and to point out that extramarital sexual encounters *with your spouse's full knowledge* is not the same as infidelity.


Lessons Learned

Thank you for your comments on men and fidelity and a man protecting a woman's heart. This article came at a time in my life when I was about to give up on looking for this kind of relationship. I have found many men do not understand that this kind of life style is about much more than just being controlling or attracting a submissive female for his enjoyment only.

Many men I have encountered have been pleasant but were out for their own agenda and heedlessly causing harm by not even considering the responsibility of being in a dominant role. Not to say that all men are like this. My first experience into this type of life was actually what your article was about. He truly understood that my submission was actually my heart and a gift to be cherished, honored and respected. Unfortunately, I was too young to truly understand the gift he was giving me.

Many men who are married ask me to have affairs with them. This action alone often discourages me from engaging in a relationship. My true desire is to be with a man who understands monogamy and protection of the heart. It's true; I am a romantic at heart and often have wondered if what you spoke of could be a reality. There are few men that I am aware of that are faithful to their wives or significant others.

In the past I have tried to appease men and let them manipulate me into appeasing their desires by trying things that were uncomfortable. I was lead to believe that this kind of submission was expected or desired by the dominant male. After a length of time, I realized that this was not a dominant role in a relationship, it was manipulation and irresponsibility on my partner’s part to take advantage of me. Like many women, I often felt that I had to appease the dominant in any way they desired to keep the relationship going and that I had to "push my boundaries". Luckily, I grew up and began to understand and set healthy boundaries for myself.

Please understand that I am not judging the choices others make for their relationships. This perspective is just the way I choose to live my life. What parameters I set for my life may not be conducive for another’s.

Thank you again for your article and I hope to someday meet like minded individuals in the Taken in Hand life.


your article on fidelty

Your article on fidelity was a gift in itself. I have never before seen a gentleman writing on the plus side of fidelity in my entire life. It was hard to believe as a matter of fact. I never had the pleasure of having a faithful lover myself but that doesn't mean that I didn't dream of having one though. I knew that I deserved it but it never happened to me. I think that it why I had difficulty in trusting the male species as a whole. I think that was part of my mistrust if I really look closely back at my past. It is nice to know that some men are serious about being faithful in love though. It is nice to know that it is possible for others even if it never seemed possible for me.

Sam you are refreshing!!!!

[For the rest of this comment, see How I discovered what I need.—Editor]


One other thing, for those who have contributed to this site—Thank you. Where I don't always agree with everything on here, I cannot express to you how much you have helped me understand that I am not a weirdo, freak, unstable or any other adjective you might want to hurl!

I agree, Sam

You stated: "When a man takes this trusted possession and simply discards it through unfaithfulness, he communicates to her that her trust has no value to him. In his actions, he (sometimes unknowingly, yet) viciously attacks the being of the woman. She then questions her worth and the value of her trust."

This is so true.
Unfortunately, I've had that experience, and it does make you question your worth as a woman, especially as a Taken In Hand woman.

However, I have hope and faith that I will find the right man for me. One who will handle my heart with care. *smiles*

Thank you