Growing old colourfully

I dyed my hair again on Sunday, and my husband had occasion to speak to me sternly about the fact that he had found some spots of dye on the bathroom walls which needed clearing up (I had meant to do it but forgot since I have “the attention span of a goldfish” as he frequently remarks). This made me sulky, which led to the inevitable consequences.

Later, when we were lying in bed, he remarked that he didn't understand why I had to dye my hair anyway. “But don't you think it looks beautiful?” I asked him, since I always spend some time admiring myself in the mirror after I have dyed it. “Yes,” he said. “But I think it looks beautiful if you don't dye it too. Look at my hair” he went on. “I don't dye it, and what's wrong with it?” “Nothing,” I said, and forbore to add anything else, but “I know, you were going to add 'what's left of it', weren't you?” he asked me sternly, giving me a hard slap on the thigh.

“What's wrong with growing old gracefully?” he asked me.

I don't know.

Louise C

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hair dye

Louise, I am a lurker who has always thought you should be a redhead. I don't know what color you dyed it but you seem to have a redhead personality.

hair dyeing

I am 25, My husband also hates it when I dye my hair, especially when I did it platinum blonde.All the men would be staring and it would drive him nuts lol. I am a natural redhead as well and he wants me to be natural so I went back to auburn.
I asked him if I could get some highlights in the summertime and he said "no leave your hair alone"! So I am doing just that and finding out that I get more compliments of being my natural self than I did dyeing and frying my hair. I hope he lets me dye it when I go gray though. I can't picture myself with gray hair.



Well, that's as may be, but nevertheless it is how my husband feels things should be, and after all I am supposed to be letting him take the lead.

I'm damned if I'm going to stop dyeing my hair though.


Hair Dye

Louise, I agree with your husband... Your hair would be beautiful regardless of whether or not it is dyed. Pretty hair is rarely enhanced—the color may change, but the texture and structure of hair remains the same. OK—enough hair talk!

I don't dye my hair and have gray hairs here and there. I look at them the same way I look at the laugh lines around my eyes—they are a symbol of the life that I've lived, the lessons that I've learned, the good times I have had and most of all of our 8 kids—(I'm surprised I didn't pass gray and move straight to white hair!)

I'm willing to bet if your gray hair could talk, it would have an interesting story to tell.

Peace, (and a bottle of Clairol—if that brings you happiness)


Growing old disgracefully

Growing old disgracefully might be more fun. 5% of US women dyed their hair in 1940. It was regarded as a bit risque, bit like a prostitute etc. Nowadays in the UK and US most women over 40 do dye their hair. I have had to since my mid 30s. Nothing makes a woman look as old as grey hair although some women pull off that look rather well.

There is no right or wrong about it except that if your husband doesn't want you to then presumably that's the answer—don't. I've often wondered if I were with someone very dominant and they wanted me to shave my head or wear loose clothes or put on 42 pounds in weight would I do it?

Don't do it, Hera!

He might be dominant but he wouldn't have any taste. I'm all for make-up, hair-dyeing and the rest, but I don't think there's anything at all wrong with grey hair: some women look fab with it. So I can understand Louise's hubby.


Well it depends. Isn't that then conditionally being take in hand/submitting if you pick and choose? Anyway I've never met a man with those preferences to I doubt it would be a real issue.

Picking and choosing

Well, I think everyone has limits. I don't believe there's anyone who doesn't have areas where they wouldn't submit. There are certain things that would simply make me unhappy.

For instance, when it comes to growing old gracefully, I am quite happy to go along with that as long as it means I don't have to do aerobics or live on raw vegetables or something, but not when it comes to dyeing my hair! Or putting on ant-wrinkle cream for another thing. That's another area that causes my husband to shake his head in bafflement. "You haven't got any wrinkles" he points out to me. "Well, that proves it works, doesn't it" I reply triumphantly. He also doesn't understand why there are two different creams, one for night and one for day. "What happens if you put the wrong one on?" he asks. "I think your face implodes or something" I reply.

He regards the whole anti-ageing thing with bafflement, but I don't think he would ever actually forbid me to do these things, he just doesn't see them as necessary. Which is nice in a way, though how he can actually not prefer my hair it's glorious copper gold rather than half-white I don't understand. "I'm just restoring the natural colour" as I always explain when I dye it. "I don't dye my hair" he says to which I invariably say "It's different for men, nobody cares what men look like, they're not judged by their looks like women are!"

It's one of those women things that he doesn't understand, but just accepts in a baffled sort of way.


Confused and outraged

I do hair dyeing, and face creams to look good or my man and to please him by other men's appreciation as well. But as a side effect I too feel better when I see it in others' eyes, and in the mirror. One strange experience I underwent the day before yesterday.

I had a presentation on a meeting and happen to be very controversial to some people there. After the meeting one man joined me and mentored me and reproved me as if I was much younger to him. This was not true, and what in another circumstances would please me as an age assessment mistake this time was it very outraging and confusing the same time. Confusing as to how to react. In fact I am not reconciled with this event till now.


Comical almost...

Men get a bit of gray in the beard and at the temples and they are distinguished, perhaps even appearing more wise and likely more in control of themselves.

Women get a little gray and most start think they are getting on years. Not necessarily right by any means and I wouldn't personally mind either the hair dye or not—though if she left a mess we may have to speak about it.

Anyway, the comical almost part, the lady that I am actively pursuing and who, along with myself, has an interest in a Taken in Hand style relationship is in her early 40's. I recently shared a picture of her with someone I know and they were adamant that a young 20 something year old was probably getting too young for me. The irony of it is laughable, as the person making the comment is herself in her early 40's.


Color my world

I have been going grey since my late twenties and I have been coloring since my thirties. Now, in my mid-forties I look completely washed out if I don't color. My sister in law calls it salt & copper. I call it "bleh". I just feel more vibrant when my color is updated. I guess I am truly the lucky one. My loving man crams those gloves on his giant man-hands and does my color for me. It is an intimacy thing with us and I adore the pampering. Besides, as an engineer, he is a bit of the perfectionist and he never misses a single greay hair!

He, of course, says "Dear, I'd be fine if you just let it go natural." I'm sure he would be. He never makes demands on my appearance but he does appreciate that I make efforts to be pleasing to him. He does so much for me and our children, how could I not!

In the scheme of things, to dye or not to dye is Not the question. Rather, it is, for me, how do I take care of myself that allows me to comfortable in my own skin. When I'm comfortable with my skin, I can't wait to share it with his! He reaps the benefits. Ahhh. Nothing like a good reap.



Although there are bound to be men who want their women covered, not exposing too much and at one extreme in a Burka or veiled so they aren't available or looked by other men/locked away. That can also mean look best for me when we're alone but not when I'm not there. I think I'd lose money if I were told to wear flat shoes to work things for example.

Comfortable with who you want to be!

Louise, this was such a sweet and vulnerable writing! I love how you and your husband interact with one another! There is absolutely nothing wrong with growing old gracefully. You and your husband seem to have a perfect understanding of one another and an exceptance that has lasted the test of time. How wonderful!

I think what happens when articles about physical fitness, health, and beauty get written about on this site is that for those who choose to eat healthy, work out their body, and doll themselves up that it makes the rest feel resentful that we are suggesting that they should do the same. Not so! It is only for my personal benefit that I choose those things. I will admit that I like for my man to pay attention to those things as well because it is such a part of who I am. But, I have no desire to dictate to others how they should lead their lives and what should work for them. That would be ludicrous. I only make suggestions about health, fitness, and beauty because I know the benefits of these things not because I have an agenda to push. Staying healthy, eating nutritious food, and exercising my body is growing old gracefully--to me! But I love that you and your husband have no desire for these types of things and that you are both just fine with it! Kudos to you!