I wish I could invent a word that carried enough power to describe my utter shock and amazement that people would want this kind of relationship. I grew up being taught to be a “nice” guy. That if a girl is being a brat and disrespecting me, I had better be the “man” and be nice back. Girls have it harder than guys so if she embarrasses me or walks all over me in front of people, I should pretend like it's nothing because it's wrong to express that you're angry, or to stand up for yourself. That shows that you're weak and her actions are affecting you. Heaven forbid that I should ever be the one that doesn't treat her like Goddess Athena, while I take my role as the rock dwelling caveman grunting “Ug like girl. ooga ooga. Girl like Ug too?” Shame on me for following my drives. You get the idea.
I've read plenty of articles in the past saying that a man should be a dominant, confident, take-charge type of guy but thank heavens for a community that actually explains what that means from both the male and female perspective. I cannot even express how thankful I am to you.
I was with my last girlfriend for about 2 months before I broke up with her. I decided to end it; 1. Because I realized I wasn't in love with her. 2. Because she did things to test and see if I was really a man, and I didn't pass them. I felt that she was beginning to lose respect for me. At the time, I was pissed off because she was testing me. But now I see that it is her necessary drive to see if the person she is with is really the man that he presents himself to be.
I will admit, I failed. There were times when I wanted so badly to express my frustration to her, but I was afraid I would lose her or come across as too emotional (due to my parents teaching me never to express frustration to somebody). One time I wanted to call her and tell her that if I had to choose between self-respect and her, that self-respect would win and she would go. But I didn't have the guts to say it, rationalizing that I shouldn't be so emotional and reactive, I should avoid conflict when possible. So I met up with her and told her that we should break up, and she certainly didn't put up a fight.
It is weird to me because I wasn't even that in to her. But now a month after we broke up I see her in church in her sexy new dress, new shoes, flirting with other guys, and seems to be doing just dandy since the break up while I am drowning in jealousy. I know this is selfish and wrong, but I am absolutely consumed with it. I can't help it; everything I do is painted with “what would she think?” Subconsciously I want to move on and see other girls not to move on and see other girls, but so that she can see me move on and want to run back into my arms. I've deleted her off my Facebook and blocked her off of my phone. I talk to lots of different girls on campus, and am actively trying to get over her. I am open to advice from anyone that is inclined to give it, but what I really want is to read from someone that has been in this situation before and is now over it, moved on and not thinking about their ex.
Almost all of the articles I read on this site are about couples who have been married for a while. How does Taken In Hand apply to dating? Of course I wouldn't act as though I own a girl after the first date or anything, but what can I do to calibrate Taken In Hand to an appropriate level in the beginning of a relationship?