Then I found you...
Hi,
I´m new to this site. I wish to share with you my experience.
We are a married couple. Since we are highschool sweethearts, we've been together for 18 years, and neither of us has ever been with anyone else. We got married 8 years ago, after university.
To most people, at first sight, we are just a perfect couple. But, inside our doors it´s not. Last year was almost hell.
I don´t know exactly at what point things began to go bad for us. But I believe it was after I became a mother, and felt a need to be bossy myself in order to mantain some order in our house, since we had twins and no help. Stress began to overcome our relationship.
The truth is, I´m bad tempered. I have a very strong personality, so my husband just began to fear my bad tempers and avoid my tantrums -yes, stress with children can provoke that-. He is incredibly tender with me, so this is his way of letting things cool down. Then, after, I usually apologize, but feel miserable anyway.
Still, sometimes he becomes really angry with me, and we argue and it´s sad, because we say nasty things to each other and don´t speak for a week.
About 4 months ago, I even began to think of divorce. But, I found out quickly that this is just imposible. I still love my husband, love the family we have, depend on him emotionally, and also remember that there was a time when We were not like this. Even sexually, we had a different relationship. Nowdays is nothing but dull. And, I never get to climax anymore.
So, a month ago, I began to search some tips to improve our sexual life (in the belief that that was the key for all our problems). I did a lot of searching. And... Then I found You. And, I discovered that our problem is not just dull sex. No. Our problem is that our relationship is disconnected from its base, from when I used to admire and respect my husband, when I was more happy and more relaxed. Because I trusted him. And he was, naturally, my only protector. I didn´t have to be "in charge" all the time. I´ve always wanted a MAN. A real one. Not a brute, but a man like he is. Tender, protective, caring and firm... Until I took away his control.
I read a lot of this site, took many quotations and discussed it with him. At first he was very confused. Then told me that it had a lot of logic in its ground (not for everybody, but for us at least). He told me he didn´t want me to lose my humor, but yes, he wants my behaviour to change. We talk a lot about things I´ve said or done, specially regarding my disrespectful manners. He also doesn´t expects this to change in just a couple of days. We agreed to move in the direction of having a Taken in Hand relationship.
And now I´m incredibly anxious, because this morning he told me that he needed this change as much as I need it. He told me I would get spanking punishments, but he also expects a change and a compromise to be gentle and a better wife just because it´s better for our family. He doesn´t want this to be a "rules-punishment" thing. I think I´m wanting that badly. I want to feel respect and admiration for him as well.
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#1 Bless your heart and good luck!
You are so lucky to have found this, you are so wise to have searched until here. You both are so lucky to have discovered this in a short time. You have such a wonderful chance. I wish so much I had discovered this 10, 20 years ago. Anyway, life is what it is, you two take care and enjoy your new way. May you grow to become truly one couple.
#2 Where is my anger??
Thank you so much!
But I actually have some trouble in dealing with my rational mind though.
We had a discussion. It was pretty bad. After a few minutes, I was simply mad. Really mad at him. I said "Forget about all this stuff (meaning Taken In Hand), it´s stupid!!", then started to leave. I was sobbiong. I just wanted to get away.
But then, my husband took me in his arms and hugged me really tight, until I stop pushing to go away. He just told me "No, you won´t leave", nothing else. I was crying. Then He put me on his knees, said "I mean it" and then he spanked me. It wasn´t painful, just a flew blows really, but he took his time. He kept me in place after for a long long time, he was saying something, though I don´t remember much. I felt asleep after that.
In the morning I woke up, and I started searching in my mind for my anger. But I could´t find it!! So, where´s my anger?? How is it possible that such a primal act has such a powerful response in my mind?? I mean, hey, I´m a woman, I´m a complex entity! I need a rational aswer to that. Why a series of deep emotions like frustrationg, anger, and so on could have come to an end so fast? Usually, It would had taken days for me to deal with them and even speak back at him!
#3 My husband has risen to the occasion
Congratulations on finding this website, as I did a few short months ago! It has absolutely revolutionized our lives! In fact, my husband goes as far as saying that the Taken In Hand idea, if you will--philosophy--may have actually saved our marriage. We discovered, adopted, and implemented the Taken In Hand idea after a very difficult time in our marriage. Yet, in just three months, we see an incredible difference. I don't think I have ever loved and respected my husband so much, as I do now...after being married for 23 years and finally understanding our proper roles. I am a much calmer, more contented wife. My husband, in turn, returned to his rightful place of head of our household, has risen to the occasion and is more caring, gentle, and protective than ever! Knowing that it is his role to be my guide and to lead by example, and not wanting to be a hypocrite, my husband desires to display the very attitudes and behaviors that he looks for in me. There is no more anger and lashing out from either of us. No more hurting words. We are amazed at the change in our lives!