The tests he passed
I have realized something. I only realized after I had read numerous articles on this site. What I realized, is that I have unconsciously tested my husband's take-charge side many, many times since we first started dating.
My husband and I were brought up in the same church and knew each other, not as good friends though. One day, for some reason, an interest in me sparked in him. He started to talk to me online and it was not long at all and we realized there was something special between us. Thinking back to that time, I was testing him one of the first times we talked seriously when I asked, "Do you think you are controlling?" He answered "no," which disappointed me (a lot of people would think I am weird for being disappointed about that).
Even though he said that he didn't think he was controlling, I didn't believe him. Mainly because his only girlfriend he ever had was a domineering girl who stomped all over his self esteem and confidence. Getting to know him, I thought all he needed was a woman who truly loved him and would allow him to be himself (which is somewhat controlling, protective, and in charge).
Fast forward through time and many tests that I unknowingly put him through to see if he was truly a Taken in Hand kind of man, here we are now married for a little over a year, and in a Taken in Hand relationship. Some of the tests I put him through were things such as me doing something he didn't like or I knew was annoying to him. If he got angry, and used physical force to make me stop, then he passed the test. I would also taunt him on to take me physically, whether it be sexual or just fun, allowing me at the same time to see if he would and if he physically could. I loved feeling that he could overpower me. I would even try giving him orders or see if he liked me being dominant in the bedroom. In both of those cases I failed (he is a lot more manly than I thought).
A more serious test happened not too long ago. Since I was a teenager I have always had esteem issues with the way I look, and I sometimes want to lose weight and be thin so much that I crash diet. I recently decided to crash diet again. After a couple of days my husband noticed. He got angry and told me to eat. I didn't listen of course (this was while he was away at work). That day he came home, sat at the table and generally looked grumpy. He told me he wasn't happy with me and that I better go eat something. Again, I just sat there and didn't move, and explained to him why I do this.
"I don't care," he said. "You are beautiful the way you are now and I want you to be healthy." I still did not listen. What came next scared me and me jump out of my seat. All he did was yell "Go eat something now!"
I had never heard him yell at me like that, it made me jump right out of my seat and run to the kitchen. I pulled out something to eat and chowed it down. To make sure I would never pull this again, he took me to the bedroom and physically disciplined me. Needless to say, I eat now.
The biggest test however, would be one that I brought up to him about 2 months ago now. That test would be "Taken in Hand." I had stumbled upon this site, and instantly was captured by it. I read probably almost a hundred articles. This site made me realize who I am. I started realizing before this site that I liked him being in control, I liked being brought to submission, and I wanted my husband to actively lead me. I thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was weird (we are brought up now being taught that we are not to be controlled by a man). Finding this site made me feel better, like a sigh of relief.
I felt a little awkward about bringing up this kind of relationship up to my husband, but not too awkward since we almost had that kind of relationship already. I decided to send him a few articles from this site by email. He read most of them while he was at work, and a few while he was at home. After the first few articles he read at work, he text me and said "if this is the kind of relationship you want, then I am a very lucky man." His reaction made me happy.
Since then, we have both been learning and growing with this type of relationship. My husband has changed the most, since he is to take the more active role, and I didn't realize how much I needed some loving active control in my life until he started taking it. I've learned from him already, and he says he has been very happy since we started this.
One of the issues I didn't realize I had was spending too much. My husband has had to take that issue into account. I did not mean to make him feel as though he had to use his control physically to make me listen to him, but I did and he did. Once he did though, I melted, said I was sorry a dozen times and even wept sorry tears (I had never cried before because I felt sorry, so this was a new feeling for me).
My husband and I are so happy. We are so happy to have found this relationship while we are young enough to enjoy it for many years.
In the end, my husband passed my many tests, with flying colors!
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