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She is in conflict - any ideas?

Mostly I have been a lurker on this website and enjoy the content immensely. I have been working on the relationship for a couple of years now. At times, the feeling of love and closeness after an episode of physically taking her in hand is beyond what either of us thought it could be. My problem is that after a while, she seems to have regrets about the episode. I have tried subtle ways to lead her to this site and talk openly about things. She is not willing to talk about it but does seem happiest when these moments happen. It's as if her upbringing would preclude this type of relationship. Any suggestions?

Warthog

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A readers' forum post by warthog on Sat, 19/02/2011 - 19:34

#1 Clarify?

What about the episode is she regretting?

The intimacy? The sex? Being vulnerable? Giving in? Letting you have power?

Submitted by jmt057 on Mon, 21/02/2011 - 20:18.

#2 regret or something else?

I don't know if it's regret or not, perhaps it's the follow thru. I just get the feeling that her mind might be saying "who gets spanked as an adult?", after the fact. The communication I know is missing, she just doesn't want to talk about the structure of the relationship so I keep at it with actions to support the taking in hand aspect. It is not resisted in total. As you said, clarify. Letting me have the power might be the item closest. I have dropped the hint to read the website but she reacts as if it were porn and unacceptable.

Submitted by warthog on Sun, 06/03/2011 - 00:28.

#3 You say "I have been working on the relationship"

Dear Warthog, I may be misunderstanding, but your comment that YOU have been working on the relationship excludes your woman. Since a Taken In Hand relationship is defined on this site as "to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman." It follows that a successful Taken In Hand relationship would require acknowledgment and buy-off from both parties. Maybe that's the missing component.

If your woman is unwilling to read the articles you have pointed her to, then it may be up to you to get the communication ball rolling so you can at least find out if it IS to her delight that you actively control her. Obviously, as you have indicated, something is troubling her.

If you approach her in a calm manner and let her know how important the topic is to you, how much your relationship means to you etc, hopefully she will listen and that might lead to deeper discussion. You don't even have to label it Taken In Hand yet (if she has preconceived notions that it is pornography), but just talk to her honestly about your hopes and desires for your relationship and the benefits you see for both of you. I would say it's better to be direct than subtle.Try to make her feel comfortable divulging her own hopes and fears and let her know that you won't judge her or try to change who she is. Try to be as open as possible to whatever her thoughts might be on the subject.

There must be aspects that she likes because you say you are both happier and closer after a Taken In Hand episode, at least for a time. Hopefully you will be able to find a deeper understanding of both of your needs and some common ground to go forward with.

The closeness that comes from opening yourself completely to your partner and knowing each other's deepest desires is like no other. Perhaps when you and your woman reach that level of communication, you will find a direction that works for both of you.

What I am learning in my own Taken In Hand journey is that like every aspect of life, there are compromises. You may have to let go of your own vision of the perfect Taken In Hand relationship and replace it with a vision that suits both of your needs.

Best of luck to you.

Submitted by Mrs Lucky on Fri, 25/03/2011 - 03:33.

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