My husband wants me to obey him

My husband wants me to obey him

My husband wants me to obey him but I'm worried. It does not feel like it's a good idea—what if he abuses it? It's not like I don't trust him, it's like Power Corrupts and there's nothing about my husband that says he won't be corrupted. It's human nature. He's not a bad guy but I don't feel right about this change he wants to bring in. If you obey or have a wife that obeys, Can you tell me how it works for you in your relationship? If you agreed to obey do you obey in practice? What kind of things does your husband expect you to obey him on? How far does he go? What happens when you're not ok with obeying on a particular time or about a specific thing? How do you as a couple handle that?
Lisa

Obeying him

If you're not happy with the idea, then don't do it. It can't possibly work unless it's something you want too. I do it because I find it sexy; if you don't then it can't work. It has to be something you both want. In my case, it was I who suggested to my husband that we try to have this kind of relationship, and so far it has worked pretty well.

We have a few rules in our marriage, but they are mostly not necessary. As we have been married 22 years, I have a pretty good idea of what he likes and doesn't like (he equally well knows my likes and dislikes). Most of the time the question of obedience doesn't come up anyway. I mean we are mostly just getting on with the business of living, without obedience as such being an issue. When it does become an issue I have so far found it mostly quite easy to be obedient on matters that I know he really cares about. If I am disobedient, bad-tempered or rude, then he is very efficient in quelling mutiny! If there is something I am really not happy with then we discuss it. He always knows when I'm not happy about something anyway.

The important thing is that I am doing this because I find it makes me happier. If you don't think it will make you happier then don't do it. Does your husband have some religious reason for wanting you to obey him? Or does he believe the man should be in charge because it's ordained by nature or something? Or is it just a whim? Discuss it with him by all means, but if it's not something you're happy with then tell him you don't want to, you can't fake it.

How it works for us

First of all, I know my husband loves me and wants me to be happy. He is not violent or mean, bad tempered or selfish. He is trustworthy and kind.

He is head of the household. He sets boundaries, particularly where our kids are concerned, that I follow (I tend to let the kids get away with more than he does.) We discuss this stuff.

He makes financial decisions, but we discuss big issues there. I have a certain amount of spending money each month to use as I see fit, so does he, so do the kids. If I need more, then we talk and see where we're at.

He doesn't get involved in small stuff, nor does he demand that I do things to please him--he loves me as I am. I don't get punished or spanked. I am not afraid of him, but I hate letting him down or disapointing him, and rarely do. We work as a team(trust me, it helps to have a united front around kids, especially as they get older.)

He does most of the bill paying, shopping, and half the cooking. I do (or supervise) most of the house cleaning etc. I work full time and our kids are old enough to take over most tasks. I do not feel like a servant.

We had things pretty clearly defined in our minds about obedience etc, before we married, and we talk about decisions.

He has never made decisions that hurt me in any way. He has made some bad decisions that affected us all(like our first house.) But then, I've made some bad ones, too.

Once I had a very demanding but high paying job, when my kids were much younger. We were all stressed out all the time. He told me to quit, find something part time, we would be better off. I liked the job, but not our home life. I did quit, which was hard to do, took a part time job, and things at home settled down.

It sounds like you two need to do a lot of talking before you make any decisions.

Obedience

Hi Lisa,

I can not tell you if you should trust and obey your husband. I can speak from my own experiences, I think only you really know your husband and whether or not he is to be trusted.

Obeying my husband makes me very much more attracted to him. I very much trust him. I trust that he acts with our best interest in heart and that he does not make arbitrary decisions in his own best interest. It is a great responsibility to him, and he treats my submission to him as a gift. He honours that gift from me. If I could not trust him, if I thought he could be corrupted I do not think that I would continue to follow his lead. He does not actually ask me to obey that often, but when he does I know it is important to him, and that he thinks it is important to us.

Stephen wrote a great piece on Obedience that only today I re-read because someone posted a new comment there. It is very similar to how it works in my relationship now, although we all do it in our own way. I am sure there are lots of other good articles too, in the archive that could help.
The link for the post is here.

Good luck on your journey.
Take care,
Tevemer