Do you have clothing standards for your wife?

My wife is an attractive woman who dresses too immodestly for my taste. The intention is to make the clothing that she wears modest but at the same still to keep it modern and elegant. I am not naïve so as to believe that she will never be looked at by other men but I would like less of her to be visible to them.

What I would like to know is should I assume total control of all the clothing she wears? The main aim of this is Modesty.

I know this issue of clothing standards has been discussed on Taken In Hand before (see quotes below) but I'd like to hear more from other men in Taken In Hand relationships: do you have requirements for your wife's attire, and if so, how does having clothing standards work in your marriage? If you have got your wife to change the way she dresses how did you do that and how has your wife adapted to the change in her style of clothing?

Carl wrote:

I've no interest in trying to force a woman into compliance with a dress code that she hates, but I do think having control in this area has great potential for the right two people.

KrosRogue wrote:

A woman can dress as she wishes, but she will get my attention only if I find that to appeal to my tastes. That simply means, among other things, she wears no makeup because that hides her natural beauty. Her hair is of undyed natural color, shoulder-length or more. Her dress is modestly attractive, calf-length or longer. And, she wears flat shoes because they are more natural, comfortable, and less pretentious.

A Taken In Hand reader wrote:

Be feminine. Ask for his approval on outfits. (Not obnoxiously like, "Do I look fat in this?" more like "Do you like this on me or the other outfit?" When he gives his opinion don't debate and just change into the outfit he chooses.)

          ...Be modest around other men. Give him all of your attention when they are around and don't flirt. Don't dress to show off your body to everyone unless he enjoys that kind of thing. Mention to him that you are keeping your body for his eyes only.

Douglas wrote:

If we are both staying in for the day, or the majority of it, I am likely to have much more to say about what my woman will wear, if anything, than if we are spending much of the day apart or out.

          Otherwise, I don't generally direct specific clothing on my woman but will often require a particular effect. A woman normally (though not always) knows more about clothing than I so unless she wants more direct involvement from me, it is only a few times a year that I might require some specific outer item, though I might make suggestions more frequently. Underwear is different: I will often work toward tight control over what underwear she wears - and when.

          For work/outside business, I'm far more willing to let her pick, only offering advice where I feel I have appropriate input.

          How I want my woman at any time depends on many things. There is no one set way I want her.

Carl wrote:

I'm absolutely not the kind of man who doesn't care about my woman's clothes. On the contrary, I pay close attention to detail and am very demanding. But I find it difficult to understand why any man in a Taken in Hand relationship would not expect certain standards of his woman, and enforce those standards, by punishment if need be but more importantly by positive reinforcement and affirmation.

A Taken In Hand reader wrote:

I have to say that I leave to her the choice of clothes. I simply veto anything I find impossible when she uncharacteristically brings home something unacceptable to me.

Montagu wrote:

Men who leave clothes shopping to their women are missing out on much delicious pleasure.

          I recently took a lady-friend shopping to Guildford. We visited a shop called Hobbs which, very thoughtfully, has a number of comfortable sofas arranged near the dressing rooms. After selecting a few outfits for J to try, I settled down reading a magazine waiting for her to emerge. Having her walk up and down and twirl in each outfit, until I was satisfied, did cause more than one eyebrow to be raised.

          Interestingly one very helpful shop assistant did seem to understand the situation and, before long, she was pulling dresses off the racks and bringing them over for my appraisal. Then I discovered they have a shoe section...

          I should add that I generally do take into account J's likes, dislikes and opinions providing they do not seriously conflict with my own preferences. I like her to take as much pleasure in her clothes as I do. However, my taste would probably appear old fashioned to most. I prefer skirts/dresses and will generally require that these are sufficiently long for the hem to touch the floor when kneeling up. Shoes can be flat or high depending on the outfit and occasion. Underneath I normally insist on stockings with suspenders/garters. I will not tolerate tights/pantyhose, which I regard as hideous and unhygienic; I do not care for hold-ups either. Wearing a slip is mandatory. A throwback to the 1950's you might say, although I never experienced that decade first hand.

          Sometimes I will require J to wear a specific outfit, but I usually allow a lot of latitude within the above (arguably restrictive) guidelines. I like a feminine look, but that term encompasses a wide variety of styles.

          Occasionally I will buy an outfit that J does not like. Normally something shapeless or unflattering. I find that the threat of being told to go and take this outfit out of the wardrobe is a very effective disciplinary tool (especially if public activities are planned), although one to be used sparingly, when a serious change of attitude is needed.

Egghead wrote:

I tend to think of myself as a super liberal and benevolent male in this matter in the sense that I ask nothing more of my beautiful wife than for her to stay away from all things masculine. So the rule is that she does not wear pants/trousers unless by special permission. Some people think of that as terribly restrictive, and I have no idea why. Let us reverse the argument. While some women accept that their husbands have transsexual inclinations, few would find it odd if the wife protested about her husband’s preference for lacy dresses or nylon stockings. Isn’t it then also completely natural for the husband to object to his wife wearing masculine clothes?

          Consistently feminine women are enormously admirable and I am well aware that female skills require talent as well as training. I admire women who reject masculine clothing, celebrate womanhood, and invest a considerable effort into that statement. This is the kind of woman who chooses style over comfort and is proud of it. She is the kind of woman who has acquired the skill to negotiate icy steps gracefully in stilettos and a pencil skirt while quietly enjoying the traffic accidents she is causing. She loves making outrageous statements; when people ask her how she can breathe in her tight corset, she will tell them that she is a lady and has little need for deep breaths. When people ask if she does not find her high heels impractical, she will answer with conviction that she feels much more comfortable in her heels than she does in flats. – And she may even be telling the truth...

          Female clothes tend to be impractical and in some cases downright restrictive. There is an anthropological explanation that I will not go into. However, this has unfortunately led to the modern idea that skirts are impractical for daily wear and do not provide enough insulation in a cold climate. We live in Scandinavia, and my wife wears skirts all around the year with no problem. I have no objection to her wearing woollen tights, heavy boots, and a long coat if the weather requires it. It is beside the point here that stockings are more sexy. There is nothing particularly masculine about tights and hence I have no objection to them.

KrosRogue wrote:

I will agree that a woman looks best in a skirt or a dress, but I don't view intentional discomfort as particularly appealing. Each of us has our preferences, and I find some more difficult to understand than others. I can't see what is so sexy about a woman stuffed into a corset and kept off balance in unnatural and ill-fitting footwear. I suppose I'm a bit more practical-minded than many folk, and somehow a sausage on stilts doesn't strike me as particularly erotic.

Mike Starre wrote:

I don't like high heels. My preference is for flats. Heels look awkward and not at all sexy to me.

          

"[A] lady needs to at least wear some makeup, the plain jane look clearly detracts from a woman's femininity."

I hate makeup. Besides that, I find the "plain jane" look very
sexy. I find it to be an intriguingly eerie and erotic appearance.

          Business suits to me are asexual, whether with pants or skirt, and a TOTAL TURNOFF for me.

          I prefer dresses to skirts, although I can see the necessity for skirts under certain circumstances.

          I agree whole-heartedly with the knee-length requirement, because I believe a woman should be modest in public. Modesty seems to be a lost concept with so many women these days.

Stephen wrote:

Although I have my preferences regarding what my wife should wear, I am intelligent enough to realize as Clint Eastwood opined in one of his movies "A man's got to know his limitations". I can barely dress myself, never mind offer my wife advice on a subject she knows quite well.

I would throughly appreciate all assistance with this issue.