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Am I missing something?

My boyfriend and I are new to this type of relationship. We both felt that a Taken in Hand relationship was the perfect medium for us. It seems like it fits everything we are looking for as far as relationship dynamics. My only concern is that I don't feel like he and I are on the same page as far as what exactly we expect from each other. I expect him to be the man. I want him to take care of me, deal with all the things a husband does. For example, maintaining the cars, household repairs, finances, etc, while I maintain the household, the kids, make sure that he is taken care of, etc. Am I wrong in asking for this? Am I missing something?? We are happy and I know that we both want the same goal, I'm just now sure how we are going to get there. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We've only been together 5 1/2 months and I know that this type of relationship is something that evolves over time, it's just that I feel like we're getting no where fast and it scares me a little.

‹ Learning Hint that you want a Taken In Hand relationship? ›
A readers' forum post by desireedaniels on Tue, 31/01/2012 - 04:44

#1 Nope

I don't think you are missing anything, the only thing I can think of is communication! It is so important to talk to your partner openly about what you want and what you expect. I always tell everyone that men are not mind readers, and let's be honest, women can be kind of hard to follow. At least I am, sometimes I have these feelings and expectations and I know that are not logical, and still I expect my husband to get it.

Well turns out, that is not always possible.

I think as long as you guys talk about your feelings, and how you are doing in this different type of relationship, it should work itself out. Eternally hopeful, I guess.

Submitted by juylma on Tue, 31/01/2012 - 17:40.

#2 Trying to help

Desiree,
I'm not sure if I can help, but I'll give it a try.

First it would be interesting to know how old you two are. If you are both very young, you are both trying to figure out everything in your lives, not just relationships and maybe you think you know exactly what you want, but don't.

I think you expect a bit much from him. Being in a Taken In Hand relationship (or even being submissive) does not mean you have to be completely passive and let the man do everything. Nobody can do everything. Being responsible for you, the house, the finances etc. is quite a lot of work. On top of a job. So I'd like to know what are your responsibilities in your relationship? Maybe you should sit down (maybe you already have) and really figure out who is responsible for what and in what way you and he would like him to be the boss.

Hope that helps,
Jessica Rabbit

Submitted by Jessica R on Tue, 31/01/2012 - 18:06.

#3 Thanks :)

He and I are both going to be 31 next month. I am not making him be responsible for things like the finances, that's his choice. I would actually rather be the one doing that but he wants to know what's going with the finances. I have no problem letting him take over that stuff. I feel like it leaves me more time to maintain the household which includes cooking, cleaning, and taking care of him and the boys. I run the errands, do the grocery shopping, etc. I would like him to take care of the things like the cars, lawn, taking out the trash, etc.

We talk, A LOT!! We both agree that this will never work if we don't communicate. I'm just not sure if I'm looking for too much. My parents had a dynamic sort of like Taken in Hand and I guess I'm looking for something similar to what their relationship was. They were married 25 years before my Dad passed away 1 1/2 years ago. Their marriage wasn't always perfect, but it was solid. I want that. I know its a lot of work every day to reach this goal and both of us are committed to making this work.

I love reading this site. It helps us better understand what we want for ourselves and for each other. I appreciate any advice that is given. Thank you!

Desiree

Submitted by desireedaniels on Wed, 01/02/2012 - 01:06.

#4 Have you told him

I assume you have told him outright that you'd like him responsible for the cars, trash, lawn, since you communicate so well; so, what does he say about those chores?

Is he too busy, does he not enjoy them, is he a procrastinator? I'm sure you can come to a negotiation that suits you both one you identify the problem.

Submitted by Red on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 17:22.

#5 Taken In Hand and chores

For me, Taken In Hand is a lot to do with trying to do things the way my husband wanted them done, making more effort with the housework etc. I am not entirely clear from your post what exactly your husband wants or expects from you. Does he want such a rigid division of responsibiities as you envisage? Have you discussed it with him?

For instance, my husband has no interest in being in charge of the finances, and in fact we pay most of our bills by direct debit, so neither of us have to bother with it much. And while as a full time housewife I find it reasonable to do most of the housework, he is quite domestic by temperement and does stuff when he has the time, he usually cooks dinner a couple of times a week for instance.

Perhaps you need to discuss more what exactly he wants from this relationshio?

Louise

Submitted by Louise C on Thu, 09/02/2012 - 15:28.

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