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A dream of being a tyrant?

Hello, nice to meet you all.
I'm sitting on the fence about taken in hand and I would like some guidance.

Our relationship is not consciously male-led. yet. I am drawn to this idea. My husband is astounded that this is the case, as I have always vehemently defended feminism. (The idea that women are inferior to men invokes my most bitter and passionate contempt)

I have been reading the articles on this site for a while now and it makes for some highly interesting reading. I want to have a deep connection with my husband. I want him to take care of me and thrill me. I want to be able to let go of myself during sex, which I can't always do. I want to treat him with respect and love. But it's really hard sometimes. I'm not always very nice to people and nor is he. We are both oldest siblings so I don't think that helps.

We have tried a bit of resistance/forcing during sex. i.e. I resisted and he kept going. We both noticed that this turned eachother/ourselves on immensely. So I think we might have the makings to become Taken In Hand. I'm not sure he has take-charge impulses. When I told him I wanted him to tell me what to do he laughed and said something like: "So finally you're going to do all the cooking and cleaning? It's all I ever wanted. What's the catch?"

"That you have to take my wellbeing into account in your every decision."

So he thought about it and then refused.

"I'm not interested in being dominant. My dream is to be a tyrant, someone who doesn't care about his subjects."

And so I cried, then forgot about this for a while. Except that it has invaded our sex life a bit. And then we had some other argument and now he does want to try. Only we're both a bit lazy and don't have much time (we have a toddler and are trying for number 2).
Anyway, I'm a bit hazy as to how/where to start and would love some advice.

I'm so glad I have found a man strong enough to stand up to me. But I am still not sure I can trust him to properly take me in hand. That tyrant comment scared me a little. But I think we both have some growing up to do. He's in his early 30's and I'm 29.

‹ Interesting Research Results Why do I feel angry? ›
A readers' forum post by rebelchild on Sun, 04/09/2011 - 12:22

#1 Tyrant?

Hello rebelchild, I too am fairly new to this website. It's a great help.

To answer your question, I'm not quite sure if you can and should trust him to take you in hand. Your quote:

"I'm not interested in being dominant. My dream is to be a tyrant, someone who doesn't care about his subjects." says it all

Taken In Hand is a two-way street. Being a tyrant is not. A tyrant never has the well-fare of his "subjects" in mind. For now I would better let it go. Has he read this website? If not he should to get a deeper understanding of Taken In Hand. Probably not really helpful what I said here, but that quote scared me a little too (unless it was meant as a joke?).

Jessica Rabbit

Submitted by Jessica R on Sat, 10/09/2011 - 20:58.

#2 Watch Your Step! It Appears Precarious!

I take issue with Jessica Rabbit's exceptionally light take on this subject.

She sez '"I'm not interested in being dominant. My dream is to be a tyrant, someone who doesn't care about his subjects." says it all'

She chooses to scare you a wee tad. I choose to scare the Holy S**t out of you! WOMAN, WHAT ARE YOU **THINKING**?!?

OK, perhaps I may have misunderstood her take, because she DID say '"A tyrant never has the well-fare of his "subjects" in mind.'

But then, she treads FAR much LIGHTER on the subject when she states "For now I would better let it go."

I DON'T THINK SO!!!! Again, I quote her as follows: "Has he read this website? If not he should to get a deeper understanding of Taken In Hand."

DO NOT let this pass. If need be, select your desirable articles from this site and suggest he READ them. Alternatively, READ THEM TO HIM.

Be SURE he has YOUR interests at heart before you commit to him. If you fail to do this, you WILL regret it.

DISCUSS with him your MUTUAL **AND** CONFLICTING desires. ASSURE yourself of agreements on ALL subjects before you close ANY discussion.

I personally believe that if what you do is anything less than what I have prescribed will result in the abuse and destruction of the above-described woman, NAMELY, YOURSELF.

Hey, I am a MAN. I openly want a woman who is willing to be my Slave-Girl, probably someone similar to what your BF desires. BUT, his way of describing his desires flagrantly seems to eschew free choice on your part.

Bottom Line, YOU must choose your role in this relationship and either accept or reject it.

If you reject it, be WOMAN enough to do so. Your very LIFE depends upon it.

If you accept it, I wish you all the JOY in the world for embracing this relationship.

Mick McCleod

Submitted by NinthMcCleod on Tue, 13/09/2011 - 20:42.

#3 Answer

My dearest MickMcCleod, please stop getting all choleric and cranky about my response to rebelchild. I was trying to be a bit subtle (maybe too subtle), but I thought it better than getting out the sledgehammer and scaring and confusing her even more.

Rebelchild's relationship to her husband has obviously taken an alarming and bewildering turn for the worse. Finding out your husband is a completely different person from the man you thought he was is an awful thing (which is something I can only assume, as we don't really know what is going on). Screaming at her does not help.

Maybe you keep that in mind the next time.

Rebelchild, if you're still on the website, let us know how it's going.

Jessica Rabbit

Submitted by Jessica R on Wed, 14/09/2011 - 20:51.

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