What a beautiful post. I too, thought I had my ideal but it didn't work out for us to remain married. Then I met someone who I never could have predicted meeting. While the weather was nice the day we met, he has since seen me in various weather-whipped looks and it does not scare him. So it feels good for me.

We are very different, but the relationship is amazingly real and I can't believe I have missed this part of life for so long. How does that happen to us?

Libby,

Thanks for the comments. The tire in the rain incident was in a parking lot full of folks after a community event, so I wasn't afraid.

I also live in the US and was raised in NYC. I don't however, have the perception that I am in any great danger from people (men or women). I tend to like to get to know people, I love meeting people from different parts of the world, or from different cultures, religions, or just regions that reflect something different than I find in myself. I generally think that people are good & find that I'm rarely disappointed as long as I don't expect people to share my opinions or values.

Anyway, when you stated:

"I think it is why some of us have such a hard time finding “Mr. Right”. He is out there, but we do not have enough trust in the male population to let him get near us. The more alpha, the more aggressive he might be, the further we keep him."

I think you are right in your musings. Many women I know who would like to meet someone are so closed to meeting men because they are afraid of what he might "do". They are also afraid of his "bossiness". I think this is unreasonable. First of all, not all men are serial rapists - nor do they have the tendancy to be one. I think that we (women and men) allow the media to influence too many of our actions and become fearful of anything different than what we believe is 'right'. Caution and common sense are always good, but to be fearful of others just because the person 'looks or speaks different / suspicious' is not logical. And it prevents us from being open to new relationships (friendships or romantic relationships).

S and I found one another because we were open to meeting and getting to know people who were different from ourselves. I was able to get to know him because I wasn't afraid of dating someone new (in a public place of course) even though there was no spark at first.

I hope you open up to finding someone new. Someone that might not spark at first, but in time will stoke those embers deep within to make them erupt into a flame of love, joy, passion, and committment. I really do find the who 'spark, immediate chemistry, love at first sight' stuff to be the stuff that long term relationships can NOT be built upon. These things fade in time. And intimacy - true intimacy - is what creates a beautiful relationship.

Hey M!

I guess I did come across as someone that jumps at their own shadows. Sorry about that. What I intended was that having spent most of my time in rural Midwest growing up, we had to be very cautious. In my home state in my teen years, we had a police officer (I can’t remember if he was a state trooper or sheriff) that would stop a lone woman, pull her out of her car on some pretence, handcuff her like a criminal then rape her in the back of her car. I was in high school at the time and to this day am still cautious around stranger law enforcement men. I have also been on the wrong end of this conversation both in personal and new acquaintances so I do have a point in my statements. It is still a very big part of what makes me tick and yes I am very cautious when out and about on my own.
I think it is wonderful that you were so open and receptive to your knight in shining armor and I think I am now able to do the same. Of course that I took six years of intensive martial arts training in the past doesn’t hurt either. My instructor was over the top about women’s self defense and even though I no longer actively participate, can still take down and get away from a much larger man (Just ask my sons, I used to wrestle with them and both are over six foot and over 200 pounds, and I am my still scrawny five seven and 120 pounds).

As an ER Nurse I meet many alpha males in law enforcement and EMS and I have absolutely no problem opening up to them. It is much like being the only sister in a huge group of brothers and many of them are very protective of us girls. Kinda nice feeling on those nights when they are constantly bringing in the belligerent drunks. They make them back off even if it is only in their cursing. I am one of the more independent of the gals in our group but I find myself enjoying even this gentle caring shown to me as a woman that deserves to be respected. In fact, it is part of what has drawn me into the search for an alpha male and this website. I finally feel I have the right direction in my life and search for my life-mate. As for love at first sight, no I do not believe it is always that, well maybe lust at first sight. I agree that true, soul-deep love needs time and nurturing to grow and am looking forward to the day that I finally find that one in a million man to do so with.

Libby

Hey M!

Thanks for the encouragement. I am trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps as it were and getting more adventuresome. It has been a trial though because I am new to the area and don’t know my way around, places it is safe for a lone woman, that sort of thing. As I get a better feel for how things are around here, I will start going out. My best friend has already threatened to drag me out of the house and take me bar hopping so she can play matchmaker and I shudder at the thought! It might be fun though and who knows? Mr. Right might sneak up on me.

Anyway, I love the story how you met your love and how fate seems to drive the right people together when they least expect it. Thank you for sharing it with all of us, it gives the ones of us still on the hunt hope to keep going!

Libby

When I met my wife, she was 53 and I was 52. She was over 300lbs and just 5'4". I'd been pursuing women much younger, and had been enjoying my newfound attractiveness to women. In the past I was always the guy that women didn't want, but as I've grown older they've started flocking around me. Immediately before I met my wife I was dating a very intelligent, wonderful woman aged 27, with perfect proportions, long blonde hair and blue eyes and she was highly athletic, being a marathon runner and triathlete. I'll admit to being a man that likes petite women who look after themselves, but my wife is nothing like the ideal I thought I wanted, yet I'm ecstatic with her.

Until I met my wife (we met on a train, not a dating site or in a bar) I had a list of requirements that was only growing longer as women started being more attracted to me. My wife is everything my ideal woman wasn't, but she is mine, my perfect soul-mate. She's the most exciting, sexually hot woman I've ever known. It's like there's more sex hormones in her large body. She's fun, adventurous, always game and she has a rapier sharp mind and strong opinios to boot. But the thing that makes her mine is that she's MINE. She loves the fact I'm in control of her, and she's shameless about it. That's why I married her-- hecause she's so mine, and she's so brilliant, and she wants to live under my control for ever.

My friends and relatives were disturbed by my choice at first. My sister said she's too fat. Another relative said she is too old for me. My best friend thought I was using her for sex and when I said no, this is my wife--or will be, he tried to make me change my mind. But I don't care what they say, because I know she is the right woman for me.

I'm not real sure if this helps any, but my wife says she thought I was having a joke at her expense when I asked her to marry me. No one expected me to be with a woman like my wife, but I made the right decision: she is my soul-mate, my lover and my best friend.

To add to this - my man brings me great security because he is always "there". I have thought to leave him numerous times, which disturbs me, because of my own past and emotional abuses from someone who was always leaving me.

My man is rock solid and isn't going anywhere. I sometimes wonder why I haven't driven him away yet. The reason -- he is a real strong man. As strong as or in many ways, stronger then me.

When I am upset, he holds me. When I am mad at him and have on occasion banged on his chest, he asks me if I need to continue or want to talk. He has helped me to work through many emotional issues related to my past.

That's why he is so important to me. That is why I overlook he is not "perfect". Yet in so many ways, he is.