I was watching a woman last night, in a restaurant with her husband and 2 children, one a tiny baby, the other a little girl about 5. They were a young couple, I would say in their late 20's. I saw the mother had already "changed" into her role from the girl he had married. The husband, for the most part, seemed connected to his family, children, and wife. She, on the other hand, had taken up the mantle of "mother", and didn't seem to connect to her husband as a woman.
This was just one little snippet out of their day, so it would be hard to say this is how they live their everyday lives. But I have seen this, as a wife and mother myself. Women become fierce. They have to, for the most part. If they are stay at home mothers, they are mostly responsible for what their children do all day. The bulk of parenthood falls to them, and when school starts, if you are not standing up for your child, worrying, guiding, prodding, they flounder. So when your husband gets home, you are or have already, fought battles for your children all day. Taken on the role of head of the household, even if that's not who you are or want to be. You HAVE to do it.
I am a woman, in my core, who wants to be controlled, in my heart of hearts. And when this role was handed to me, to be "mother", I changed. Not inside, not ever. Add to the fact that I had a child with not clearly visible special needs. But that is another story. What I am trying, probably not very well, to say is....this can and does happen to most women. Thrust into making most of the daily decisions, the safety of having a man who is head of the household vanishes. At least for me.
For a woman who needs a Taken In Hand marriage/life relationship being a mother is a hard role to put away when he comes through the door at the end of the day. How easy is it to just carry on as you have all day. Order the kids around, order the husband around. Even if the husband started out as the head of the household, unless he is very strong, and takes charge, she will run right over him. And as years go by, how easy is it for him to give in, to let her run everything, shutting themselves off to one another. The girl he married, gone, swallowed up by responsibilities, work (both in the home and in the outside world).
She now feels alone. No one to catch her should she stumble, everyone looks to her for answers, for their day to day existence. When all she wants is to look up to her husband, have him lead, and for me, to be controlled by him. Joyfully, as a woman. To look in the mirror and still see "female", not some vague creature I don't recognize. I figure I have gotten off the main track here, and slid into describing my life. I am sorry. I hope, I got my point across anyway. As Scarlet said "Tomorrow IS another day." Hope springs eternal.