I agree that none of these things would be indicators that a woman wants a Taken In Hand relationship, I suppose the most one could say is that if a woman accepts you doing things like this for her then it could mean that you needn't entirely rule out the possiblity that she might be amenable to Taken In Hand. If she doesn't object to you doing things for her, kissing her without asking etc, then she at least isn't entirely hostile to a man taking the lead in certain ways.

I've never had any particular feelings about the door opening/helping on with coat thing, I mean I never thought of it as a sign of dominant behaviour, but I've never felt any revulsion about these things either. I think it's pretty silly to sit in a car waiting for a man to open the door for you, but it wouldn't actually disgust me if my husband wanted to do this. I suppose this indicates a certain malleability on my part.

I've just been re-reading Florence King's 'Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady' and here is how she felt about these things back in the 1950s.

I already knew I hated dating on general principles, but now I compiled a dossier of specific resentments that I had never articulated before. I saw how dating chipped away tiny pieces of a woman's self-confidence; piece by piece, date by date, she was diminished by some form of unnatural behaviour forced on her by social usage. The most hateful custom was sitting serenly in the front seat of the car while the boy ran around to open the door. It made me feel like a cripple. Staring into space with an air of utter detachment while he paid the check made me feel like a schizophrenic deadbeat. Crossing a street and having a boy make a quick run behind my back to get on the outside again reminded me of the switcheroo tricks Charles Boyer played on Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight, and when a boy gripped my arm just above the elbow as we walked, it felt like a citizen's arrest.

Now that's a woman who definitely doesn't want a Taken In Hand relationship!

I wouldn't say that your ideas are without merit, I would just not think that a woman who accepts these kind of attentions is necessarily wanting a Taken In Hand relationship. She might just see them as old-fashioned courtesies. I would think that a woman who decisively rejected these kind of gestures would be someone who most likely is NOT amenable to a Taken In Hand relationship, not because I see these things as being signs of dominant behaviour, because I don't really see them like that, but because I would think a woman who rejected them would be someone who was not amenable at all to having things done for her or being 'guided' in any way. I wouldn't personally be disturbed if a man did these things for me, I would be slightly irritated by the car door thing, but otherwise I don't think I'd see them as anything other than slightly uncommon gestures of civility.

I simply do not know how a man indicates that he wants a Taken In Hand relationship, or how a woman indicates that she wants one, other than by saying so. I always used to get a pleasurable thrill if my husband was firm with me about something, but he didn't do it very often in our pre-Taken In Hand days, usually about something quite small and unimportant, and although I used to respond positively when he did, it didn't seem to occur to him that if he tried doing it like that about the things that he really cared about, that might work too. Nor did it occur to me that he was capable of doing it as a consistent thing.

Perhaps if a man wants a Taken In Hand relationship he could try exercising a little firmness about things that are important to him, and see how she responds. I don't know why I never said to my husband "I like it when you're like this; why don't you do it more often?" I was just too inhibited. I suppose I would also say to a man, "Does she like you being dominant in the bedroom?" If she is turned on by forcefulness in bed, then maybe she'll like it outside of the bedroom too. The one area I never had any confusion about was my sexually submissive nature, so that might be somewhere to start.

The only way I could indicate to my husband that I wanted a Taken In Hand relationship was by telling him outright. Some men just can't take a hint.

Louise

Jeff, I applaud you. I think you've done a wonderful job describing the role of potential head of the household. I have often observed women who are 'hoping' to someday meet the dominant man of her dreams. And of course, by saying that, means what is right for HER. So how would she go about doing that? Asking questions? Testing perhaps? Or, as you suggest, simply get to know each other.
What you are describing is simply laying a foundation of a relationship. You are paying attention. Focusing on your girl. You are sensing the nuances or perhaps lack of for finding what you are looking for.
How can there be a downfall with that method. Time spent learning and knowing will benefit you both for understanding. Finding love, like and attraction. Which is the basic of any long term relationship. This is not a 'test'. This is seeking and finding.
Sure, after reading your article lots of women will say 'it was good until you...and fill in the blank of whatever'. But never did you say this was a test. This was finding out.
I myself never had one idea I was submissive. In fact I am the least submissive woman you'd meet. Except to my husband. To whom I am completely submissive. And how did he find out?
He talked to me. He watched, observed and probed. He loved me. He created a bond of trust. And he worked his way into my head until I needed him and fell head over heels in love right back at him.
I for one say bravo to you. The right woman will appreciate and come to admire the tactics you used to learn and love. You payed attention and how can that ever be considered anything but positive and clever.
...Blush