My husband gives me positive reinforcement for obeying him, and this has really helped me obey him.
We have been married almost four years and before we married we attended a marriage preparation class given by our church. It was a wonderful class that raised many good questions. One had to do with a wife's submission to her husband. I learned that it was important to my future husband that I obey him. We talked at length about what this meant and I promised my then fiancée that I would obey him when we married.
At first after we married obeying my husband was easy. We were very much in love with each other and we wanted mostly the same things. But then as time went on I started to struggle somewhat with obedience. My husband was very patient with me and we talked a great deal about my struggle to obey. I wanted to respect my husband's authority as the head of our marriage, but at the same time I wanted my viewpoints and feelings to matter.
As my husband began to understand this and allow me to voice these concerns I was able to willingly obey a little better. But what really helped me in my obedience was something that my husband took the initiative to do on his own. He began rewarding me for my obedience. He started by simply thanking me when I did something that he asked me to do. He would come up to me, wrap his arms around me and whisper something like, “Thank you for doing that when I asked; that means a lot to me.” This made me feel really good.
Then he started bringing home flowers or other small gifts every once in a while. He told me these gifts were for trying so hard to obey him. Once he told me I deserved a special treat for trying so hard to obey him and he surprised me with a mini spa day for me and my best friend. He told me that my obedience was a gift to him and that he wanted to give back to me.
All these things were wonderful and made me want to please him even more. But the most meaningful thing to me was not only his effort to reward me for my obedience but recognizing that obedience is difficult and should not be taken for granted. My husband has told me that he asks for my obedience so that he can lead our marriage in the best way possible. He needs my trust and support to do this.
I rarely struggle with obedience these days and I think it is because my husband has made such an effort to thank me and reward me for my obedience.