I think I've finally figured out (or admitted to myself) what I really have doubts about when it comes to a Taken In Hand relationship. This probably should have been written before my post, but what are you gonna do?
Anyway, when I think about a Taken In Hand relationship with my wife objectively, I can see where this type of relationship could really be of benefit to our marriage. I can honestly say the whole family would benefit from stronger leadership from me. After thinking this through (and I don't know how many times I've done that in the last few months) I always come away feeling inspired and motivated because I know it is the right path for our family.
But then there are times when the bubble has burst (which might be most of the time) and I start having doubts, and the most common question or doubt that comes to mind is: What's in it for me?
Taking a firm hand with my wife sounds like a lot of work and, honestly, sometimes just keeping my own shit together is hard enough. Keeping my wife in hand too just sounds like a real drag.
Unless...I were a control freak! Which I am not! And I don't get the feeling that most of the men here are control freaks. Or am I wrong?
I mean, if I were a control freak, I imagine I would thrive on running other peoples' lives, but that has no appeal to me. In fact, I've been sitting here, married all these years, just waiting for something to happen and for cooperation and industry to "break out" and people to just start doing the things that need to be done. (Ha, ha, ha, ha....let's all pause for a long, cathartic fit of semi-hysterical laughter!)
There have certainly been many times over the years when I have stepped up and been the head of the household and made necessary decisions and "done my job" but, sadly, there have been far too many times—and this is probably something that has been increasing in the last 5 or 6 years—when I've been...weak. Argh! And believe me, people do not just step up and do what needs to be done! I think this is true in families, workplaces, churches and just about any other group that exists (except perhaps in the Type A Personality Society if it exists.)
OK, so I've gotten over the idea of an egalitarian lifestyle. I know without a doubt that it isn't even a possiblity for my marriage. I have more self-discipline than the rest of my family (not that I'm perfect) and I know my wife needs me to lead, but herding the family like a neurotic German Shepherd (we have one, I wonder if he could be trained, hmmm....) just doesn't appeal to me. I am not a control freak!
So, do I have to be a control freak to take charge in my marriage?
And if I do actively take charge, what's in it for me, seeing as how I'm not a control freak? Is there some other sort of satisfaction that I will experience from all this friggin' work? (Perhaps having a happier, better balanced family life?)
Sometimes I look at all the damned responsibility that sits on my shoulders (real, imagined, existing and potential) and I get discouraged. Why should I take charge if I'm not a control freak?
Hmmmm, after taking charge of my wife and becoming a strong head of the household, perhaps the solution is to effectively delegate? Geez, just thinking about the amount of control I will need to make that work is intimidating. It seems a daunting task.
Ok, enough rambling.
So, the bottom line is:
1. Do I have to be a control freak to take my wife in hand?
2. What's in it for me? It looks like a huge amount of work with no benefits! (Well, a better love life for sure, but I'm not sure that's enough in the long run.)
Robin F. (with a penis)