Women shouldn't HAVE to do what their husband says... I choose to because it is a way I can show my love for him. He asks very little of me so when he does I am only too pleased to do it for him.
No woman should be expected to hide her opinions or disagree. We discuss all things and normally it is my opinion that wins out as he is so laidback. Women helps me curb my frustration and anger as I struggle sometimes to get my point across verbally. Without Women I would probably end up frustrated and shouting. With Women neither one of us shouts at the other and we communicate calmly. I can honestly say my husband is never nasty to me. He would see it as a failure in his duty as a husband if he was.
My husband does his fair share of the household jobs as we both work. He cooks the tea generally because he is better at this than I am. I do the tidying because I notice these things more than he does. I have no idea who spends how many hours doing what. We don't count. The jobs get done fairly by mutual agreement.
My husband sometimes asks me to wash his back in the shower. I do this and love it. It is a very intimate close thing for us. He makes me a milky drink every night to help me sleep. We don't do these things because we have to, we do them because we want to and they bring us closer together.
If my husband were not behaving like a responsible adult I would get myself a real man. Luckily my husband takes his role of husband seriously and loves the responsibilities that that entails. He considers one of those to be putting my welfare before his own.
My husband and I work as a unit. He does things that make me happy and I do things that make him happy. Prior to being Taken in Hand he did what he wanted and I did what I wanted. That is not a unit, that is two people living in the same house. We now do what is good for the whole. Who decides what is good for the whole? We do. By talking to each other and saying what would make us happy.
If I felt that the only way to save my marriage was to surrender to my husband's every wish or that it was expected of me to surrender then I would not want to be married to this man. I am not in this relationship with him because I am weak, and if anyone reading this is unclear as to this point then have a read of some of my previous posts.
So why do I prefer to be taken in hand? Well to me marriage is not a war zone where decisions should be fought over and won or lost by the person who shouts loudest, or a debating chamber where points are scored over the other one. So often one hears couples arguing and shouting at each other with neither one listening to each other's point of view. Or they pick, in a jokey way of course, and try to score points (my husband and I call this ping pong). I know of many happy marriages that are punctuated by screaming arguments and apparently they love it and have fab make-up sex afterwards. This suits some couples and they thrive on the challenge. OK, each to their own. That is not for me. I find arguments like this to be destructive and damaging. We don't argue. He does not raise his voice to me, because that is his nature. I do not raise my voice to him because we have agreed this is not an acceptable way for a grown adult woman to behave.
No woman should never enter into a male-controlled marriage just because her husband has given an ultimatum of do as you are told or it's over. If any man said that I would recommend she run for the hills. And it definitely would NOT be a Taken In Hand marriage, because a defining characteristic of a Taken In Hand relationship is that it is wholeheartedly consensual.
I am an educated woman with a good brain and I choose to use that education and brain to strive for the type of relationship that works for me. One where I have no choices or have to do everything for my husband would not be a marriage that could make me happy. So I'm glad mine is not like that. Being in a Taken in Hand marriage allows me to work hard, communicate and considering my husband's feelings, decisions and thoughts, as he does mine.
As for sex—some say that men have a higher sex drive than women. Before we became Taken In Hand I would have agreed with that but now it's the other way round. I have agreed that I will not say no to sex. Most of the time I am feeling in the mood for it anyway but if I was not he would not just pester me until I wanted to scream NO NO NO at him. If I don't want to have sex we have agreed that I have to justify why I don't want to. By doing that it can open up hidden areas. For example I may be angry at him but not really know it. By having to say why I'm not in the mood this gets aired and the problem solved. I suppose we could just go back to me saying NO if I wasn't in the mood but where would that leave us? We would both spend the evening emotionally separated from each other. Him sexually frustrated, me frustrated at him for being demanding of me when I'm not in the mood. I suppose he could go and look and porn and I could go to the gym but we would rather work it out between us.
Technically, with our arrangement, he does have the right to just do it whether I wanted him to not. Him knowing he can take me whenever he chooses means that he needs to pay more attention to my mood and feelings. He finds out how my day had been, etc. If he judges me to be receptive he often just throws me on the bed and off we go. It's great. He could just climb aboard I suppose and treat me as one would a blow-up doll but that would have no interest for him so he does not do that. If he did he would not be someone I would want to be married to.
I could choose to have a marriage where the mental ping pong goes on day after day but that would just build walls between us. I could have a marriage where he does what he wants and I do what I want but that would not bring us closer.
Being taken in hand allows me to be softer and more loving to my husband. It allows me to safely open up and be loved and to be able to love with all that I have. I have no need to keep bits of me locked away for fear that he may hurt me. It is his role to keep me safe, to protect me. Yes I am quite capable of keeping myself safe but to do that means putting up walls and barriers. With him I want no walls just openness, trust and love.