Someone wrote that for a woman to change herself for the guy would be to diminish herself, etc, and it struck me that that was how I'd always thought about myself. In the course of the frequent and tiresome rows with my husband I would ask myself angrily, “Why can't he just accept me as I am, why does he want to change me?”
And then I discovered this site, and was disconcerted and excited by what I'd found. I realised that my husband and I had been playing at having a Taken In Hand relationship for years, and I also realised that the times I had felt happiest was when, just occasionally, it had actually felt real. I also realised that my husband didn't really want me to change much, just minor things, and that it might not be the end of the world if I gave it a go.
I began to wonder if changing myself, just a bit, to make my husband happier, might actually make me happier too. Perhaps it would be better than continuing to have rows about the same things we'd been rowing about for 22 years. What if I just tried it and saw whether it worked or not? So I tried it, and found to my amazement that it did seem to work.
I found that it was actually more pleasurable to do what my husband wanted me to do than to argue with him about it. Not only did it make me feel calmer and happier, it was also incredibly sexy. I find it amazingly perverse that I, a rampant individualist who has always utterly loathed being told what to do by anybody, should actually like this, but I do. I find it quite easy (most of the time) to do what he tells me. And this makes it a lot easier for him to keep his temper too.
I don't feel at all diminished by having changed myself just a bit to accommodate my husband's needs, in fact I feel enhanced, happier and more peaceful. I don't want any more traumatising rows and shattering emotional experiences, I want peace, and I seem, on the whole, to have got it.
Last night we were listening to the couple next door having a stupendous row (a fairly frequent occurrence). They were going at it hammer and tongs and my husband said thoughtfully, “Maybe I should offer him the use of my workshop.” I don't think being Taken In Hand is for everyone, and I don't know if it's for the woman next door, but it does seem, rather strangely, to be for me.