Changing for him - pleasing for me

I remember the early days of my relationship with Gary. He was so supportive. He loved everything about me, so he said. Yet on occasion he made simple suggestions about changes. On my clothes, my hair, makeup and other small but personal matters.

A part of me leaped at the chance to please. A little personality trait that comes out for certain people. Another part of me cringed. What if I didn't like that change? Who am I changing for? Is it a change or is it an improvement?

Yet, as I checked out his preferences, the feedback was always worth it. He adored it. He not so secretly told me how thrilled he was that I was doing it all for him. No woman had ever gone this far to please just him. Now didn't that warm my heart even more! Some of the changes I loved. Others were a nuisance. As I discovered the joy of changes, I also found out some were more trouble then they were worth. It took a bit of courage, add a little 'speak before you think' and I was telling Gary when I didn't like certain things. He surprised me time and again by reassuring me that he didn't intend me to be uncomfortable. Nor should I resent something or hate what I ended up with. He always relented with doing what pleased me the most.

Submission has ebbs and flows like most everything else we do. What surprises me with a regular pace is while I may submit, mask it with pleasing either him or even myself. The fact that he wants the act to make me happy first. He wants me comfortable with the look. Proud to be with him.

Our funny story with the “it comes back to bite you” ending: Gary suggested he would like to see me with longer hair. I wore it very short, cropped and gelled into little spikes. It suited me. I have thick heavy curly fuzzy hair. As it grew out, it was an unmanageable mess. The curls weren't those nice spiral ones, they were huge, fuzzy and didn't do me any kind of justice. I ended up slicking back as much as I could around my face and just letting the rest go wild. It hardly grew down, mostly just out. In my never ending whining to my stylist, he finally suggested to put a relaxer through. With permission I did. Then one of the other stylist blow dried me straight. Straight! I was hooked. So this is what hair looks like! Impossible to maintain on my own however. So I asked Gary if I could go back from time to time to have them blow dry. He agreed. Somehow that just gravitated to weekly. Now I don't even wash my own hair. I make a weekly appointment. Gary set up an account for me. I show up and do what I want. He goes in from time to time and clears the account. My hair no longer belongs to him. It's all mine! I love it. Thanks Gary. A case of submission gone good.


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Mid-length hair

I got this very cute pixie haircut once. I needed to get rid of damaged hair, so I got a very short hair cut. I've never worn my hair that short. But a lot of people liked it and complimented me on it.

Then he said he'd like me to have longer hair. And I promised I would let it go.

My problem is that, while I would love to have the long hair he wants, I absolutely hate this medium length. I want to cut it already and at least give my hair some shape. But I know that if I cut it then I will start cutting it again when it reaches this length instead of letting it grow like he wants it.

It's really frustrating. I wish my hair will just grow fast and get to the length he wants and be perfect.

Paths and Journeys...

Our personal grooming is a real hot spot for some of us. Others prefer old sweaters and would rather die in them. I am hardly in the middle. I like to look good, stylish even when comfortable. So how I look is important to me. Not model perfect, but pulled together, even when the look is messy. I am fortunate because my husband is aroused at whatever he gets. As long as it's genuine. But back when, he made requests. Red lipstick today please, much as I can see...legs..I want legs..and access. So there was a lot of scope within those request. During my hair growing days, I hated that part. What a frightful mess. I often used the mess to accent the look. But I have to admit, we often had 'discussions' on my trip to the stylist. I was desperate for style. So frequently during those 'grow in' days, I had my hair groomed into something. Even if it were small. Gary found himself wanting to make 'rules' around cutting my hair. But despite the rule, I had to make myself happy first. And I'm not even sneaky about it. I mean he drives me there, goes and makes phone calls, or whatever he does during that time, picks me up and pays for it. I on the other hand, whirl around and say 'look, aren't I beautiful'. He would frown, and ask..did you cut your hair? And never being one to lie, would say, oh not much. Hardly any. In fact it was necessary to cut the ends so it grows in healthy. And then tell him how happy I was with the new me. Eventually it grew. Eventually he got used to me doing it. And now I love what I have so much, it doesn't even belong to him. Oh it does. All of me does, I just happen to love it more then he does. My point: Be happy. I've discovered that in my submission, when I am happiest, is when he is happiest. Hair can always grow back. Trust grows and happiness prevails. Just style a bit and wait.
I don't think being unhappy with something about yourself is good for the relationship. Change is always good. But making it positive is very important. Now why can't I seem to apply that to losing a bit of weight?

The joys of growing out your hair

VideoGirlAi... My advice to you is to find a stylist that you trust, tell her/him that you really want to grow your hair out but are tempted to cut it. Tell them that your husband also would really like that and that you wouuld like to do this for him. You will need to put yourself in their hands and let them shape your hair while you are growing it out. You will love the results and so will he, it will be worth it. This way you get shape and hair that grows and he gets what he wants too.

You'll have to trust me on this one because I can't show you a picture, but I have very long and very curly hair. And it is now always hair that behaves as it should! The mid-length stage for me was painful, I looked like I had swallowed a mushroom. But when I went to my stylist and explained what I wanted she layered it for me and taught me how to use products that tamed the friz. It is possible! Hang in there.

Thanks for sharing Blush. I l

Thanks for sharing Blush. I learn so much from you. I have thick curly hair too and I know my husband doesn't really like it, but he never complains, just from time to time lets me know. So I hope to find a style that pleases him. It's funny how I now look for ways to please him. That never occurred to me before my Taken in Hand days. I like what you said about the ebbs and flows. When the ebbs come I won't panic or feel I'm failing or that our relationship is failing. It's just a part of life. I hope you share more. It's very helpful.