Dictionary.reference.com defines subordinate as such:
1. placed in or belonging to a lower order or rank.
2. of less importance; secondary.
3. subject to or under the authority of a superior.
4. subservient or inferior.
5. subject; dependent.
In contrast, it defines aggressive as:
1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive: an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, esp. in the use of initiative and forcefulness: an aggressive salesperson.
4. boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
At first glance, one would say she must be one or the other. However, I believe she can be both. While I am subject to my husband's authority, and dependent on him (his subordinate), I am also energetic, very competitive, and prone to unprovoked offensives (I'll initiate a wrestling match with my husband), in other words, aggressive.
While it's impossible to be both simultaneously, I'm often both during any given sexual encounter. As my husband, freshly showered, towel wrapped around his waist, innocently sorts through his dresser for his night clothes, I'll peer in from the doorway and ambush him. Caught off guard he'll fall prey to my attack, landing flat on his back on our bed with me pinning him down. We'll struggle back and forth, rolling and twisting until ultimately he regains power and I'm pinned helplessly beneath him. At that point I'm at his mercy. He can do and does whatever he wants with me. I am his subordinate.
I don't feel the need to fit into one category or the other. I think that maybe the dance between the two is what makes our taken in hand relationship so beautiful and right for us.
So, to all who find themselves anguishing over maintaining that perfect balance, I say.....
relax and dance on!!!