When I met him, it seemed that my husband was not an alpha male. Or rather, his natural tendency was to be alpha to everyone except me, his wife. Fifteen years later, after coming to know everyone in his life—his mom, his sisters, his first wife—I suspect that the reason he did not take charge with me had to do with the women in his life and his desire to make them happy. Many of the women in his family are not women who would bend easily, make many concessions or allow anyone except themselves to be in charge.
Regardless of nature vs nurture and all the arguments than can be made there, when I met my husband, he did not take the lead and neither of us knew then that I would ever want him to. Years later, when I began to explore the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship and approached him with the idea, he was more than willing to go there.
We are still working on our Taken In Hand relationship. We've had setbacks, but we've made great strides in the last two years as well. Neither of us is perfect, but he has started taking charge and we are happier than we were two years ago.
On this and other sites, we discuss how our culture has often, and in so many ways, taken away men's abilities to take and hold the reins. I believe changing that culture, even just in my own home, can effectively reverse that.
Can a man develop the ability to take charge? Absolutely! I'm watching it happen. Since he was the man of my dreams even before we decided to introduce control into our relationship, I trust him wholly and completely with all that I am and all I will be. He is worth that trust. He is using his mind, will and creativity to develop his take-charge alpha potential. He is doing that for himself, for me, and for us.