The dance of being yourself and sharing is a tricky business. For years I searched for something. For what I wasn't exactly clear. What I wanted was someone who loved me. My fantasy, someone who loved me enough to set limits, spank me if necessary, take me in hand.
I used to listen to this dating phone service in my city. I listened to the Domination/Submission category. Yikes! No one seemed to talk about love there. When I happened to bump into Gary, I had nothing to lose. I just decided to be myself. No fibs, no 'prove my worth'. My personality is highly intelligent, a force to be reckoned with, softened with a soft voice and easy laugh. I seemingly tricked men most of my life because of it. Boy did they resent the hell out of me when they found out that a soft voice doesn't mean a soft character.
Gary took the time to find out went when on behind the voice. He asked questions, challenged answers and tripped me up. It wasn't long before he found out I had a private submissive streak I barely knew I had myself. It was a matter of him wanting to know me better. What (designed) luck that he could easily coax me to defer to him. All with attention and soft suggestions. His only request is that I be myself. From there he went to great lengths to have me trust him.
In a possible relationship, you need to build a foundation of caring and love. Your man's personality will come out. You can drop hints, he can ask questions. But if it's not love, why would you allow any man to dominate you or take you in hand? To overlook the initial attraction and go right for the dominance, as some do, would be to miss a very big and important first step. Don't look for that above all else. Look for trust and love. No matter how society creates men today, I believe that once they reach a certain age, their own confidence takes over and the importance of one on one is primary. Meaning he's willing to take a chance. I know it's hard. Don't ever give up on the dream.