Until recently I had a demanding profession, which required, and got, my excellent organizational skills and leadership. Sadly these were skills I did not leave behind when I walked into the front door of my home. I always wanted a very traditional marriage—one in which my husband would be the undisputed leader, the decision maker in the family and who would be able to take me very firmly in hand—I just didn't show it. Until now.
Twelve months ago I discovered the Taken in Hand site and I related strongly to the underlying principles of Taken In Hand. The overwhelming sense of connectedness of the couples in these relationships made me aware of my longing to be in that place too.
I eagerly shared what I had learned with my husband of five years. He was definitely not interested. He focused on the discipline aspect. He did not abuse women he informed me, he was a SNAG. My response to this was to tell him that SNAG is an acronym for Sniveling Neutered Aging Gender-bender. Oh dear!
I kept reading posts on the site and bombarding him with selected readings that I hoped would give him the whole picture. Talk about overkill!
After I read the post entitled He isn't interested in or capable of taking you in hand? I emailed him a copy along with my heartfelt apology for putting so much pressure on him. He said that the reading resonated with him, and he was prepared to think further upon it.
Well, he thought and thought and thought and said and did nothing.
Two months later, little Miss Impatience here decided that we are here for a good time, not a long time, so it was time for him to share the results of his thinking.
I think he had hoped that I had forgotten about it and he was certainly not going to discuss it further.
So I gave it one last enthusiastic go. For the next month or so, whenever we had a minor/major problem, which usually resulted in me withdrawing from him, I reminded him (though not immediately) that there was a loving way of reconnecting if he was prepared to take a leadership role. He countered that, for the most part, he already saw himself as a leader in our relationship. I had to admit that this was true, but it only went a small part of the way. Then, after a recent, heated discussion on what it meant to ‘belong’ to each other, it seemed that we were not even on the same page.
So I gave up. I was all out of words.
Miracles do happen. Within a couple of days I noticed my husband taking a much greater interest than usual in my daily activities, instructing me on minor details regarding household expenses and generally making it clear that any major decisions on my part needed to be run by him before I acted on them. I have suddenly become aware that at times, he is using a new tone of voice with me, giving me well earned reprimanding looks, and disrespectful language has earned me an occasional stinging swat on the rear end.
Needless to say, without any effort on my part, I find myself responding to his more overt leadership. It’s early days, I know, but it’s a start in the right direction.
And it is so liberating.