Availability and rape

I “rape” my girlfriend regularly. She knows that whenever I want sex, she must submit to my desire without question. It's simple for her and simple for me. She is totally available sexually for me whenever I want BUT the foundation for this intensely erotic and ultimately deeply emotional exchange is that she is treated by me as a queen, a jewel, an incomparable and peerless precious and adorable woman who I worship.

She is sexually satisfied in a way she previously never dreamed possible. She knows how much I love her and one of the ways I show my deep love for her is to take her sexually and forcefully whenever I choose.

“Rape” in this context is my demanding sexual ravishment of her without her request or expressed desire: she has has abrogated all responsibility in the realm of sex to me. She also knows that my desire for her is limitless and this gives her the most profound sense of being wanted and her deep satisfaction is intensified by her openly avowed availability to me. I cannot begin to describe how closely this dynamic bonds us together.

This astonishingly erotic exchange exists only because I also express in words and deeds my all-encompassing love for her in all ways beyond the solely sexual realm.

Powerful stuff: I treat it with care and live and love in a way I never imagined before.


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Lucky her. We didn't have in the UK the concept of rape within marriage until not that long ago because marriage meant continuous consent. That is not too far removed from how some of feel although it was right to alter the law.

You don't really technically rape her as she's given you that consent already which is what always feels right to me as well with a man.

The only time this is a problem is if she wanted it more often and you didn't etc but it doesn't sound like that's an issue for you both at present.

I agree, mmmm

and I am going to leave this up as I'd like to be able to explain to my fiancee the depths of the things I am looking for somethings are so difficult to explain...

to be raped (under this definition) by him?? I'd feel so desired...

Wildly Curious

This is a strange mixture of scary and red hot intoxicating. (First reading about this was such a turn on, I was like, “What is this? Is this porn?” It didn’t look like porn. I see now Taken In Hand actually talks about the whole relationship and stands against infidelity and there are many posts against porn. Kudos.)

On the other hand, I am scared out of my mind at the responsibility, the absolutely terrifying power to either build into or ruin a woman by truly leading her with such strength both in and out of the bedroom. And it is not like being a strong man is a new idea to me. My own faith strongly teaches male headship. But compared to this site's standard, we have failed. This Taken In Hand is a scary and intoxicating concept.

I guess my question is: When you women spoke to you men about Taken In Hand, or about intense fantasies like rape fantasies, how did it go? And when/how did you know this is what you wanted?

Dawn E, I am wildly curious how it went for you when you guys weren't even married? I can imagine if I was a new fiancée unfamiliar with all this, I could freak more than out a little. This is despite the fact that deep down, beneath tons of layers of confusion, I would have loved a woman to trust me enough to do this.

As I said, I am widowed and about to start looking for “her” again. I can’t imagine how bringing up Taken In Hand is going to go for her or me. This seems one of the more intense discussions on this site. Might as well jump in with both feet.

Being wanted this much at this age is wonderful!


My husband takes me in bed me whenever he chooses. I don't like the word rape—but I guess this is another word for what he does. I am available to him at any time and he is careful with that gift.

There is a difference though in him making love to me and him taking me. Love is about mutual pleasure—and S always see to it that I am pleased. Him taking me is usually about his need to release tension; or at times it is about me having teased him a bit too much—LOL.

When he has a particularly bad day at work, he often wants me as soon as he walks in the door—but with small children everywhere, that's not always possible—or practical! So as the evening progresses, the tension inside him builds and by the time the baby is in bed, his hands are all over me. If I am tired and protest, he reminds me that 'no' isn't an option. If I continue to protest, he might grab my hair and kiss me hard and say "you are my wife—remember?" in a tone that implies resistance is futile. His touch is very firm during these times. He rarely waits until I am fully ready so his first penetration is not always pleasant—but it is always HOT! (perhaps this bit of pain arouses me the way spanking arouses some women on this site). The emotional force (reminding me that 'no' isn't an option) and physical force (pulling me into the room and usually pulling my clothes off) that he uses at these times reminds me of his overall control and I love that feeling. The fact that he wants me so much and that he can't wait to have me is a huge turn on.

To be a woman in my late forties and have a man want me in this manner is a wonderful feeling.

I always get to replace the clothes with nicer ones if he ruins them—at his cost.


When We Discovered Rape

I have been with Doug for about three years. For most of that time, he has taken charge in our relationship. About four months ago, we discovered how powerfully erotic "rape" can be.
After dinner, I curled up on the couch with a book while Doug did some work on his car. He got pissed at something that wasn't working the way it should, and came inside, probably thinking I could relieve some of his frustration. He leaned over the back of the couch and kissed my cheek, and told me to come to bed.
I was absorbed in my book and told him to wait a minute. He came around the couch, grabbed my book, and threw it across the room. Then, he grabbed me by the chin and made me look up at him, and asked me what right I had to say "no." When I didn't answer, he nodded and said "I thought so."
He picked me up and threw me on the floor. By the time I realized what was happening, he was already inside me. I felt so powerless, so wanted, so feminine.
Since then, Doug has never hesitated to grab me and drag me down the hall to the bedroom whenever he has that itch. Knowing that he can and will take me whenever he wants, without asking, adds a wonderful erotic charge to every moment we're together. I've noticed I'm more attuned to his wishes, and more eager to please him, even in such mundane ways as my cooking, how I keep the house, and how I dress, and it's a lot easier to obey a man when you know with every fiber of your being that he has that right, that power.

Still uncomfortable with this subject

A dear friend of mine, actually an ex-girlfriend was treated that way by her first husband. In their divorce trial, (that he instigated), she described him as a sexual pervert. He used it as just one of many ways to control her. By the time he told her he wanted a divorce she had no friends left and was an emotional wreck. Even though we had broken up, (her idea), a couple of years before she married him and I hadn't seen her in years, I was the only one she could turn to.

When she talked about her marriage she said: "I thought we were happy".

Are you sure you are happy?

Not sure if your question was

Not sure if your question was posed to me or if it was just kind of out there, but I'm choosing to reply.

Yes, I am very happy! My husband and I fulfill one another's needs. While he doesn't throw things around in the house, he certainly tells when he will not take 'no' for an answer. The key here is that my husband would never abuse his power, so he wouldn't force me to have sex if I was ill, etc. The happiness comes from trusting someone so much that you are willing to put yourself in his hands... If I thought he would hurt me, I'd be in divorce court—quite quickly.


Wtih the exception of the book being thrown across the room, I like your story. If my husband ever threw anything, it would scare me and some of the trust between us would be gone.


Wow, what a relationship. The

Wow, what a relationship. The kind I always dreamt of, lucky woman, lucky man. There you go, it is possible to find the perfect match, so never give up. Thanks for sharing the story Andralone!


For me, the word rape conjures images of unpleasantness, victimhood. Women roughed up, and something deeply personal taken from them forcibly.

I have no problem at all with unlimited sexual availability, I think it's rather nice (hot) in the context of a loving, stable relationship. If I'm really into a man, I don't get 'headaches' or too tired, it's even swell doing it for no other reason than he wants to, or however he wants to, or as long as he wants to. I just don't understand how it's called rape if I'm complying willingly.

What to call it...

The OP is a very good description of the sexual dynamic I have with my wife.

She handed over to me total control of our sexual relationship some time ago. I once said to her that what we have, and how it often express' itself, could be called rape by those who don't understand.

For us it's passion. She loves to be used by me for my sexual pleasure, loves for me to be "selfish", and she gains very much pleasure and satisfaction from it herself.